Gender Equlaity

Note – Before I even begin to write what is on my mind, let me clarify that I am aware of and agree to the following, lest I be reminded of these later:

  • Women were mistreated in all possible ways for many many years and still are in some segments
  • The concept of women not being equal to men was never gladly accepted and is still not.
  • Systems such as Dowry, Parda et all should never have existed and should not exist
  • Female foeticide and infanticide are a deplorable reality

HAVING SAID ALL OF THIS, my focus in this post is on the middle class segment of the society which BY AND LARGE does not suffer from these ailments (or at least not in a violent way) – EXCEPTIONS ARE MANY I KNOW!

Today, I will be concentration on equality that needs to be provided to the MEN in our society. Most people must be agreeing with me, but never state the same given that it is completely against what SHOULD be said.

I want the females reading this to picture the following (the men are already a part of this so no need for them to imagine):

  • A coach specifically reserved for the ladies in the Metro, and the right to travel in all other coaches as well – and then when in PEEK Rush Hour, some females decide to board the general coach, the expectation by them that all men will maintain one arm’s distance from them – and every time the same is not done (simply because it is not possible in that kind of crowd), the women cry hoarse over the issue subjecting the men to humiliation and shame. [I have seen this so many times in the last one month plus of travelling by metro that I pity the poor men]
  • A woman can flirt with any man around her that she wishes to, and it is supposed to be taken as a compliment by the men – but the minute a man she doesn’t WANT attention from decides to flirt with her, all charges of molestation, eve-teasing etc. are rattled off on the guy. EITHER disallow the women also from flirting with the men THEY THINK FIT OR allow the men also to flirt with the women THEY THINK FIT.
  • During a fight between two people, the woman may threaten to kill, destroy, harm the man and the man is supposed to understand that she is saying all these things in anger (even if she may have meant them), but the man as much as glares at the woman or as much as moves his hand (not hitting her), a case of Domestic Violence is slapped on to the guy.
  • A woman decides to dress in absolutely see through clothes (I have seen a female – on a metro platform, dressed in a white see through skirt, to the extent that her inner garments were visible). Such woman expects to attract all the attention she WANTS and no UNWANTED attention. It’s simple – you don’t want men of all kinds staring at you – don’t wear such clothes at 9:30 in the night in a public place. Any man who as much as looks in the direction of such females  will be called names and questions will be raised on everything ranging from his character to his upbringing.
  • The woman (wife) can decide to disrespect her in-laws, not even be courteous to them, take their son away (literally) from their home and lives and no-one bats an eyelid, but if a man as much as suggests that the girl’s family is too interfering, this amounts to CRUELTY on the woman.
  • In any given field today, there is reservation for Lower Castes, Economically backward,….., Women – Where it leaves the general category men, I shudder to think.

At no point am I claiming that middle class females are not subject to atrocities. My sole contention is that, for the acts of a few, why is the whole community of men being held guilty. Why have we made it a habit to assume it is the man’s fault? Why is it that before we even know an iota of the story, we assume that somehow somewhere the man is wrong? If the woman is angry, it is the man;s fault, he must have caused the provocation; if the man feels angry, it is the man’s fault, he should not have given in to the provocation, “if at all” by the woman. EQUALITY???

The following video shows just what equality should mean (I INSIST EVERYONE WATCH IT ONCE) –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JADWjEajg

 

Projection

When we were studying psychology in 11th and 12th, we were taught a concept known as projection. I give the following easily understandable example to portray what projection is: My mom always says, “Jab ma ko thand lagti hai to wo sweater apne bacche ko pehnati hai”(When a mother feels cold, she makes her kid wear a sweater). This is projection.

Our unconscious mind makes us believe that the other person is also going through the same emotions, feelings, thoughts as us.

So, why am I writing about it. One, because I want to. :p But more importantly, because each and every action of ours is based on projection.

Think about it, whenever we do Anything keeping in mind any other person (even if we are doing a personal thing), we are projecting. Here are a few examples to explain how we project in our day to day lives:

  • I am writing this post thinking that at least one person will identify with this thought process because I do.
  • I write my exam, and my answers are good or bad according to me on the basis of the projection I make of how the examiner will judge my answers.
  • I say sorry to someone for doing something which I think he would have thought to be wrong because I feel so about the act. (Even if I don’t accept that I think it is wrong, the only reason I would say sorry is because I believe it to be wrong myself)
  • I say thank you to someone for helping me because I would have expected to be thanked had I helped someone. (Despite of formal statements like, “Oh, it is ok. Not necessary” etc., we all want to be thanked for doing something good).

Every action of ours is a result of projection.

So, is projection good or bad? Before I answer that, I hope we have come to terms with the fact that whether good or bad or neutral, projection is always present.

Personally, I believe, projection does more bad than good. This is for many reasons. One, we start expecting too much, and when expectations fail, we get hurt. Two, in the pursuit of wanting to understand everyone and become like them when we are with them, we lose our own identity.

What we can do about it, as it clearly cannot be removed completely (much like corruption), is try to control it. Know our actions and thoughts. The more we live in awareness of ourselves, the more we start to understand the other person as he/she is, and not as we project upon them.

So, if you want to know others around you, know yourself.

Take care all.

Coincidence?

Superstition is a belief in a non-physical (i.e. supernatural) causality: that one event causes another without any physical process linking the two events.

CHALLENGE FIVE: SUPERSTITION OR COINCIDENCE

Thanks, ‘Leo‘ for this challenge at ‘Challenge Accepted‘. I am a big fan of your poetry and your blog.

The topic – “If something regarded as superstition by you, becomes true for you more than once or twice, would you still consider it as superstition or begin to believe in it?”

I’ll start by making my original stand clear – I do not believe in truth of any superstitions, AT ALL.  It is my belief that one or few particular events are not jinxed that they will always cause bad events… or doing something particularly will not cause the event to go well.

Having said that, I give due credit to human psychology because it has rightly put forth that our unconscious brain picks up things from our surroundings, without us knowingly doing so. So, now every time I mention something good, I subconsciously say, “Touch wood”. That is a superstition I ‘believe in’ even though I don’t believe it in.

Before moving on to the real topic, here’s a list of the most believed in superstitions in India:

1.       Do not proceed , if a black cat crosses your way.

2.       Looking at a cat in the morning is jinx.

3.       Giving or taking anything by the left hand is bad.

4.       Never ask the question “where are you going? ” while someone is leaving the house, its purpose will not be fulfilled.

5.       Repeatedly yawning and hiccups indicate that someone is remembering you.

6.       Sneezing odd no. of times indicates that something bad could happen.

7.       A no moon day is inauspicious.

8.       Right eye twitching is good for men, left eye twitching is good for women.

9.       Cawing of crow indicates arrival of guests.

10.   If there is itching on the right palm (left for female) you can get some money or favors.

11.   Going below the ladder is a  jinx.

12.   Taking a teaspoon of curd with little sugar before exam will bring good luck

13.   If a dog starts wailing then something bad will happen.

14.   Always donate a sum of Rs.101 instead of Rs.100 or Rs.51 instead of Rs.50. The extra rupee brings good luck.

15.   Spilling oil from the container onto the floor is a sign of bad luck and ill omen.

16.   If a framed picture of someone falls off the nail on the wall and the glass breaks, the person in the photo will be met by Death, or the family in that photo will suffer greatly.

17.   Whilst praying for someone if the diya or oil lamp flame goes out, the guy you’re praying for is going to die.

18.   Seeing a peacock is good, hearing it’s god-awful cry is bad.

19.   It’s bad of you to exchange items over the threshold separating two rooms.

20.   Bury your milk teeth in the soil.

21. The number 13 is jinxed.

22.   You don’t go to bed wearing new clothes.

Finally, on to what I was asked. Well, to answer this question to my challenger and to all others, I would like to start with a question, how much role does our unconscious mind play in our actions and our thought process and reactions to these actions? I portrayed how my unconscious mind works just a few paragraphs back.

Why I am asking is, because when a superstitious event occurs, is it not us who now perceive anything which happens after that as an affect of the event. Let me take a few examples:

  • My exam goes decently everyday. One day, on a particularly difficult paper, I decide to have sweet curd before the exam. My exam goes decent again. Now, suddenly, it’s not my hard-work, but the curd that made my paper go well?
  • I am walking to college when a black cat crosses my way. Everyday in college, there are good things and there are bad things. But today, it is not routine that made a bad thing part of my day but the black cat?
So, my answer is, that even if something which is believed in by many/most, is superstition in actuality, however many times it may come true, it will still remain superstition and not suddenly become the rule of universe for me.
I know of people who will delay their plans by 10 minutes because someone asked  them where they were headed, will walk back 3 steps as a black cat crossed their way and so on and so forth. A request to all such people, please start living in reality and not in a fantasy world where the date and day of your interview cost you the job or the curd made you  top your exams.
By the way, do leave a comment, it brings good luck for your next post. LOL…. :p