Disrespecting love

A little less than 3 years ago I wrote a post named One Sided. I find the closing lines of this post fit to be quoted here before I move on to my actual post:

“We get sad, depressed, low etc when we find out that our emotions are only from our end. Now that we know that it isn’t actually of consequence for our emotion that how the other person feels, be happy and grateful that you got a chance to live in the emotion.

An emotion as positive as love, and we blemish it by sighting it as reason for our sadness……Ironical!!!”

 

The above post was written from an abstract view and now three years later there is much I wish to add to these last lines.

 

We’ve established that loving someone has little to do with the other person. Why then are we hurt when the feelings are not reciprocated, or even worse, no longer reciprocated? We give the other person the right and the respect to not be in love with us, and while that is very mature of us, why do we still hurt ourselves over it? It is one thing to relive memories and quite another to let them overwhelm us and cause us pain. At such moments why are we not in control of  our mind instead of our mind controlling us?

We’ve heard a million times that it is hard/ impossible to move on from something there was or could be. “Moving on” is the moment of realization that what was/ could be was/may have been beautiful but that isn’t the axis on which our mind revolves. Yes, that chocolate bar will remind us of them, so will the places we shared. Thus, moving on is all about, then, is relating these to the happy memories and not to the pain of loss.  Hurting over the loss will not cease it, letting go of the feelings of loss will.

Love is indeed one sided and it has indeed nothing to do with the person we are in love with. Thus, we do not need the other person when we fall in love with them and nor do we need them when we choose we are letting go. However hard it seems to accept this, it is US who decide when we give up the hurt. The “emotion” that is “uncontrollable” is stemming from us. Stop watering the plant of hurt and the same shall die a timely death. Why do we encourage hurt when encouraging memories. Are we too weak to disassociate the two?

I’ll leave you with one question to ponder over: Is hurt over the acts of another not a form of hate for that person? Believing that we are hurt by someone or the circumstances relating to someone is the same as disrespecting the beautiful memories we have had/ had imagined with that person. I am certain that isn’t our aim.

*TO PEACE*

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A Tough Choice

Here’s a very small post, with a very important question!

The mere thought of this made me cry for over an hour a few nights back. Asking you this question, my intention is not to make you go through the same pain or confusion but to help you understand your own mind and heart.

 

SITUATION 1 : You leave this world before your parent(s).

The + point – You never need to feel the loss of them going

The – point – You leave them with the pain of losing the child they gave birth to, and saw grow up.

 

 

 

SITUATION 2: They leave this world before you.

The + point – They are saved from the above mentioned pain.

The – point – You get to live through that tragedy and the life afterwards with the gap of their absence.

 

 

Which would you rather have? Bear the pain yourself and or give it to them?; or putting it differently, face death yourself first or let them face it first?

 

Please think and answer!

Perfect Life

Many a times, each one of us have cribbed on how our life is unfair. How life per say should be different. Why do our loved ones die? Why are there heartbreaks? Can’t life be more kind on us and not give us such horrors? Why diseases like Cancer or AIDS or Brain Hemmorhage? Why can only life be made of small things like just getting hurt? LIFE IS SO IMPERFECT FOR EVERYONE.

 

Here’s a glimpse into a perfect life. The ideal human life, as we all want it to be :

  1. There is no death. So I get to live with all my forever. And the future generations just keep living with us. Everyone is happy. We have all loved ones around us. And guess what, no history lessons needed. The participants would be with us only.
  2. No one gets a deadly disease. The maximum anyone has is cough or cold or maybe a bruise. No need for tears or slow deaths. Or even any medicines and expensive treatments. Some bandages and Savlon is enough. And because no trouble of diseases, no crying out over fancy facilities to ‘stay safe’.
  3. There are no social or religious evils, as we call them. Thus the need for social institutions, NGOs etc is lost. So much money is saved here. Also no fighting for positions. No power games. Nothing.
  4. Everyone has a perfect supply of food and other things. No killing over for that. How nice!
  5. No black markets, no robberies. The world is peaceful.

These are just some of the aspects of the perfect world. The combinations could be many many more.

NOW, is the other side of the coin visible or should I show it?

I guess I should.

  1. Let’s get the population issue first. Fit all these people on this Earth, can we? Also the resources, as if are not dying fast, that we need more burden on them. Or maybe the perfect world can have an ever expanding land and other resources too… this is imagination, right? And who needs any education system. Everyone is right there to teach us everything.
  2. No diseases, no hospitals, medicines etc. Half the economy and education system down? Who needs doctors, nurses, chemists etc.
  3. No evils means no propaganda for their cure needed. The ‘good’ books, the lectures, the stress management market. All gone. No power games, but then who does come to power and how is the economy run at all?
  4. With everyone having equal resources, who needs anything more in distribution and management. No management issues means no MBAs needed. Out of the half economic sector left, here’s three-fourth more gone.
  5. Last but not the least. No problems means no solutions required. No more Armed forces, or Police need to be there. No need of a judicial system. No need of any system at all.

What we have left is no economy, no systems, no education, no government of any sort (what’s the need). Absolutely nothing but content human beings. Or are they? How do they interact? How to goods get exchanged? What do we teach our children, what runs as education?

And her’s the last straw to this pile of ‘Happiness’ (sarcasm intended).

When there is no death, no cancer, no hurt, no power play, no miserable lives, would we stop calling life unfair? Would not your family member catching a cold become the end of the world.

” I am so unlucky, my sister caught a cold today. Poor her. That is the worst thing in the world. How unfair life is” (because then, catching a cold would be the worst thing in the world).

 

I won’t moralize you with the lesson needed to be learnt here. You all are smart enough. 🙂

Take care.

‘Accident’

Finally, after a long time from when it was given, here I am writing Rahul Miglani’s challenge to me :

I won’t lie, this got to a lot of time to adapt to, but here it is finally.

“You deserve to be there, not her’. He had said these words when he had come to know exactly why their daughter had died. He had also said, “I have long known of this, but I kept quiet for her sake. For the sake of our 2 year baby. Today  if she is not here, it is your fault. And you deserve to be up there, for the wicked woman that you are.” All this had come a few months  after the ‘accident’ had happened. What initially came on the day he heard the news was sheer denial. His baby, his daughter, dead? That could not be possible. Of course not. But it had indeed happened. Arshia was no more around to cheer them up after a long day. There would be no more demands, tantrums. There would not be any more sleepless nights as she cried. There would only be sleepless nights as they cried for her loss.

His words now ring in my ears, even after 6 months.. Every day I see the pain in his eyes, the pain I had caused him. At times my selfish part tells me it was not my fault, that it was indeed an accident. That it was fate, which could not be changed. But mostly, I am well aware of the fact that it was indeed I who was solely responsible. Had I not been the one to leave the window open to let him in! Had I not been the one to stack bricks right outside the window for it to be easier to climb in! Had I not been the person who ignored my daughter’s calls as I lay behind curtains! If only I had closed the window… If only I had gone on being called… If only…….

Yet again I sit and am reminded of how true his words are. I can do nothing but day after day see him live a zombie life. We do not talk these days. Others tell me he talks to none, even at work. I did not just kill my daughter that day, I killed my husband too.

Tonight again, I will dream of that day, when his colleague and neighbour had come in to meet me during lunch hour. We had known my husband does not come home for lunch. Everyday, this was “our time”, when we quenched our thirsts with each other. Tonight yet again, I will see her walk into the room, calling out to me, looking for me. I will remember not answering her though I was right there, behind the curtains on our bed. I will remember telling him to stay quiet till she left the room. But most of all, i will remember seeing her bend and look out of the window, fall over and I will remember forever the sound of her skull crushing on the bricks. Tonight again, I will lie awake thinking of my sins. Tonight will be another sleepless night. Unless I sleep now…. forever. I killed my family that day, it is now my turn.

I can see the floor coming closer now. I can now meet her and say sorry. Here it is… my death.. just a few seconds away… Here………

 

P.S. The exact challenge was

Write a story about the suicide of a women , who lost her child that fell out of the window while she was making out with the neighbour.