A little less than 3 years ago I wrote a post named One Sided. I find the closing lines of this post fit to be quoted here before I move on to my actual post:
“We get sad, depressed, low etc when we find out that our emotions are only from our end. Now that we know that it isn’t actually of consequence for our emotion that how the other person feels, be happy and grateful that you got a chance to live in the emotion.
An emotion as positive as love, and we blemish it by sighting it as reason for our sadness……Ironical!!!”
The above post was written from an abstract view and now three years later there is much I wish to add to these last lines.
We’ve established that loving someone has little to do with the other person. Why then are we hurt when the feelings are not reciprocated, or even worse, no longer reciprocated? We give the other person the right and the respect to not be in love with us, and while that is very mature of us, why do we still hurt ourselves over it? It is one thing to relive memories and quite another to let them overwhelm us and cause us pain. At such moments why are we not in control of our mind instead of our mind controlling us?
We’ve heard a million times that it is hard/ impossible to move on from something there was or could be. “Moving on” is the moment of realization that what was/ could be was/may have been beautiful but that isn’t the axis on which our mind revolves. Yes, that chocolate bar will remind us of them, so will the places we shared. Thus, moving on is all about, then, is relating these to the happy memories and not to the pain of loss. Hurting over the loss will not cease it, letting go of the feelings of loss will.
Love is indeed one sided and it has indeed nothing to do with the person we are in love with. Thus, we do not need the other person when we fall in love with them and nor do we need them when we choose we are letting go. However hard it seems to accept this, it is US who decide when we give up the hurt. The “emotion” that is “uncontrollable” is stemming from us. Stop watering the plant of hurt and the same shall die a timely death. Why do we encourage hurt when encouraging memories. Are we too weak to disassociate the two?
I’ll leave you with one question to ponder over: Is hurt over the acts of another not a form of hate for that person? Believing that we are hurt by someone or the circumstances relating to someone is the same as disrespecting the beautiful memories we have had/ had imagined with that person. I am certain that isn’t our aim.