Disrespecting love

A little less than 3 years ago I wrote a post named One Sided. I find the closing lines of this post fit to be quoted here before I move on to my actual post:

“We get sad, depressed, low etc when we find out that our emotions are only from our end. Now that we know that it isn’t actually of consequence for our emotion that how the other person feels, be happy and grateful that you got a chance to live in the emotion.

An emotion as positive as love, and we blemish it by sighting it as reason for our sadness……Ironical!!!”

 

The above post was written from an abstract view and now three years later there is much I wish to add to these last lines.

 

We’ve established that loving someone has little to do with the other person. Why then are we hurt when the feelings are not reciprocated, or even worse, no longer reciprocated? We give the other person the right and the respect to not be in love with us, and while that is very mature of us, why do we still hurt ourselves over it? It is one thing to relive memories and quite another to let them overwhelm us and cause us pain. At such moments why are we not in control of  our mind instead of our mind controlling us?

We’ve heard a million times that it is hard/ impossible to move on from something there was or could be. “Moving on” is the moment of realization that what was/ could be was/may have been beautiful but that isn’t the axis on which our mind revolves. Yes, that chocolate bar will remind us of them, so will the places we shared. Thus, moving on is all about, then, is relating these to the happy memories and not to the pain of loss.  Hurting over the loss will not cease it, letting go of the feelings of loss will.

Love is indeed one sided and it has indeed nothing to do with the person we are in love with. Thus, we do not need the other person when we fall in love with them and nor do we need them when we choose we are letting go. However hard it seems to accept this, it is US who decide when we give up the hurt. The “emotion” that is “uncontrollable” is stemming from us. Stop watering the plant of hurt and the same shall die a timely death. Why do we encourage hurt when encouraging memories. Are we too weak to disassociate the two?

I’ll leave you with one question to ponder over: Is hurt over the acts of another not a form of hate for that person? Believing that we are hurt by someone or the circumstances relating to someone is the same as disrespecting the beautiful memories we have had/ had imagined with that person. I am certain that isn’t our aim.

*TO PEACE*

Guest Post by Shirley – Thought can reveal the identity and ideas

I was pleasantly surprised the other day, to get a mail from this fabulous thinker and wrote, Shirley, who was interested in writing a guest post for my humble blog. How could I refuse! 

Though the article was over quiet some time back, it has been my absence of time, that it is being posted today. I hope you all like the thought expressed in the article because it is the thoughts that reveal the identity and ideas. Handing over from the next line to the actual article…..

 

                             Topic: Thought can reveal the identity and ideas.

Introduction:

Human thought processes are indeed unique and incomparable, very much like digital signatures or fingerprints, which may not be similar even for identical twins born from the same womb, perhaps at the same time. Essentially, our thoughts turn into logical and patterned thought process, which in turn gives rise to ideas, ideas to words, and finally words to print. The human thought process between germination of a thought and its final appearance on print is performed in just seconds, or even nano seconds but the process has taken months or even years to develop and perfect. Since people are unique species, our thought processes and the way thought traffic is handled is also inimitable and personable. Indeed our thoughts speak a great deal about our identity and also our ideas.

 

How do thoughts reveal identity:

Most of our thought process could be quantitatively analyzed and surmised since although our individual reactions to situations may be different, the thought process behind them is essentially similarly processed by our psyches and conscious minds. For instance, if somebody were to ask another man in order to test his thought process – Imagine that you are travelling alone in a dense forest and a roaring tiger jumps in front of you, what would you do?

There are three options to choose from:

  1. Stare at the tiger straight at his eyes and make it slink back and vanish
  2. Run back the way you came from
  3. Wait for the hungry beast to devour you

Only a few of us would have the courage to answer it as answer 1. Most of us would not stare back at a tiger, even if it were safety ensconced in a zoo cage. So the minority which said that they would stare back are either lying, or are indeed intrepid and brave people who thrive on challenge and risks like meeting tigers during evening walks.

The second solution is where most humans would belong. In the choice between “Fight or Flight”, flight mode dominates. This shows an escapist attitude, an inability to take risks or thrive on challenges and. cannot be accepted for b-school acceptance since this candidate cannot be considered as management material.

Finally, coming to the third option, while it does denote patience and perseverance, spending time together with a living tiger, it also reveals a mindset of fatalism and acceptability without even the semblance of a fight. Such a person could best serve in a parish as church bell attendant?

How could our lives be improved ad exalted?

Essentially, human thoughts and attitudes could be seen to be of two kinds- those of us who are pro active and need to have needed to exercise command over people, circumstances and destiny and the second, who passively allow destiny to take charge of their lives. The former forces issues while the latter is forced down by issues. Indeed the thoughts and its ultimate actions do reveal the identity and personality of the thinker and doer.

Coming to ideas also, there is needed to ascribe two personality types – one who is able to get the best out of a bad bargain. These people hope for the best but also prepare for the worst situation. The other types of thinkers are those who allow circumstance to control and dictate terms to them. These are very evident from their thought process which is either filled with optimism, hope and brightness, seeing the goodness in every situation and making best use of them, or secondly, the brooders, pessimists and negative minded who only see the dark side of life and who are thus comsigned only to darkness throughout their lives through their own voluntary dark thinking processes.

 

Conclusion:

Indeed humans are the makers and creators of their own destinies and the use of positive, constructive and humane attitude and thought process would add happiness and dispel the darkness or vice versa.

 

Author Bio:

I am Shirley Burrill, involved with USA essay writing companies that provide the platform for students to improve and clarify their doubts about the descriptive essay writing ideas. I am always focused on creative thinking.

One sided

Love, if it is true, is always one sided.

I do not mean to say here that two people cannot be in mutual love of each other. That, though in actuality rare, is possible.

What I want to convey is, that if one truly loves the other person, it is going to be one sided. The feeling one has for the other is not going to be dependent on how the other feels. For the lack of a better word, one may say that all love, in essence, is platonic.

If it weren’t so, and if in fact we were dependent on reciprocity to truly love someone, it would become a mere transaction. just a “give and take“. No?

Sounds complex and unreal!  Understand this by this example.

Pick up any person that you know you truly love. Husband/ Wife/ Parent/ Sibling/ Child……. Now, if that person were to not love you back, for whatever reasons; keeping aside the hurt/ anger etc of not being loved back, would you really stop loving that person? If your sibling told you he/she was indifferent towards you, you may be upset, but would that knowledge that there is no reciprocity, end your love for that person.

Image

Think hard…. And here’s the clincher… if your answer to my above question is that lack of desired emotion from the other end would actually hold a place in deciding your emotion for that person; it’s a sad state of affairs for you and that particular relation. Not from the side of that person, but from your side.

Now I’ll move on to the next level question. That is, if you agree with what I said above.

Now that we know that love for the other person is not dependent on them, why is it so important that the other person reciprocate. Yes, it would be great if he/she did. But what we end up doing is making ourselves miserable if that is not the case. Why?

That person did not ask you to love them. If you, by your own free will, decided that you loved them, do they not get the free will to decide not to have that emotion for you? It is funny how the persons we claim to love become culprits in our eyes if they decide to practice their free will. They have every right not to love you, to love someone else, or feel whichever way they deem fit.

However, my focus is not on that other person, it is on you (Person 1). We get sad, depressed, low etc when we find out that our emotions are only from our end. Now that we know that it isn’t actually of consequence for our emotion that how the other person feels, be happy and grateful that you got a chance to live in the emotion.

An emotion as positive as love, and we blemish it by sighting it as reason for our sadness……Ironical!!!

Knowing myself

This last challenge was given to me a long time ago. I’ve tried various times to write about it but have ended up feeling it to be fake and unnatural. This was because this particular challenge from ‘Yaz Rooney ‘ on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘ needed introspection more than anything else. Here I needed to let loose all my pre-formulated thoughts, beliefs, notions etc and let my inner mind do the thinking as at the end of the day, that is what I really think.

So after a lot of thought on this, here it is finally. A story on what I think of this world, the spirit, and afterlife. I am going to keep it simple by framing the story around myself as the protagonist/antagonist.

It’s a madhouse rat-race and it all began with my conception. My birth was a result of a race being won by one in a million. Then after I came into this world, though protected from this for a major portion of my life till now, it is not too hard to realize that each and every single second of existence is a race, with others and more importantly with oneself. A million thoughts race through the mind every second, but it the one that reaches the conscious mind most quickly, that preoccupies the mind in the form of thinking. Even as I write this, there are many races taking place for each of these words to come to this form. I may not be aware of all of these or even any of these, but they exist nonetheless. How am I so sure? Introspect for a while and you would know. Sit and think about it.

As it is oft called, I was born with a pure heart. No emotions were known to me and I would learn them by training, conditioning and observing. And therefore, it is funny that each and everyone of us is nothing but a mere combination of emotions that already exist. The combination is unique in each of us, but the ingredients are the same. And to this rule, there are no exceptions.

I am tempted right now, to write about the rat race we all fight throughout our lives and regret later. But I’ll let it pass. I do not wish to convert this to a moral lecture.

Just as my birth was the entry of a new participant in this race, there are exits too. When people reach their respective end lines, they leave the race. Many of us think that a person left “too soon”, but who in this case then defines “soon” or “late”. Their track ended and so they left, there is not much more to it. Our emotions make us see much more. We feel the need to defy/justify every exit.

So what happens when someone’s race is over. Do they leave for good? I think otherwise, and this thought may purely be a figment of my emotion. Once they are done running, they stand aside and watch the others running. In hard times, they guide the ones they are attached to (by whichever emotion). For the sake of our convenience, we call them spirits, putting them together as a class. Not each one of us believes in it and the “non-believers” wish to question their existence by logic. For them, that not perceivable by the senses is not present. The Shrimad Bhagawat Gita states that that which cannot be felt, cannot be seen, cannot be heard, cannot be destroyed, cannot be created etc, is the true final power in the world. And the spirits too become a part of them.

It is thus that in our hardest of times, we function on automatic. The reactions and thoughts in such times comes from our innermost part, which is driven by our unconscious mind and by those standing in the side lines and guiding us what to do. And hence, no fall is so hard that standing up again becomes impossible. We all fall at different laps in the race, and we all get up, whether we realize it or not. The ones of us that realize we are on our feet again start running, while the others stand rooted to the spot, not moving on, as they are yet to know they can run again.

For me, the world here-after is that of peace and tranquility. We are off the race and into the quiet zone, where it is not our heart or our mind that needs to function. That place is beyond what we can think of with the limited capacities of our mind. Thus, though I have something in my mind right now to describe the world after we ‘die; (the race for us ends), I am sorry but I will be unable to put it in words, not even for myself. Let our ‘images’ of that be unique to each own. Even if you tried to put your image in words, it would be futile.

 

Un-named son

This particular challenge from Leo had me thinking a lot. The topic ‘ Speak from the voice of an aborted boy (fetus)’.

It has kept me wondering what could I write that has not already been written. The topic was even more challenging as writing about an aborted girl is easier as there is a lot of info out there already to form ideas.

So, to write this challenge, I am going to make an assumption, and that is of the one child rule being applicable. For those not aware of this, this law states that each couple can only have one child.  This policy is followed presently in China as a means of population control! However, my story is not based in China, but is general in nature.

 

 

Dear mom and dad,

This is my letter from heaven to both of you. I want to tell you that I have reached here safely and that you should now take care of yourselves. When I reached here, I was introduced to many girls who are like me, they were never given a chance to be born.

I know mom when I was a part of you, you used to think I could have been a gentleman. What I did today was not the behaviour of a gentleman and I am sorry. When these girls told me that they had been killed before birth so that a boy could be born, I laughed very loudly in front of them. I did not mean to laugh at them, but it is how they concieved it.

You must be knowing dad why I was laughing. I laughed because in my case, something very different happened. The difference was that for me, the reason was not any stigma attached to my gender but the law of the land. Once when I was a part of you mom, I remember you reading a book that said “Law is a means to impart justice to all”. So where is my justice mom and dad?

The law forbids you from having more than one child. Then why conceive me at all? How is the law fair that I am already a living being and then am killed. Should they not have made an exception for me as I was already living inside you?

The elders from our land here tell me that there are no exceptions in law, and that my wanting to be an exception is kiddish. But that’s who I am, your kid. Why did you kill me?

You could have given birth to me and given me to someone else who did not have a child. It would have been painful for me to part from you but it would have been better than death. Did that not strike you both?

Again I am told that you may not have wanted to get into the legal hassles of explaining a second child and then putting me up for adoption. Also it would have been painful for you to give me away as by then I would be a human being with emotions. But was I not so when you killed me?

What kind of a law is this that is superior to human lives? I thought the law was for us and it was not the other way around. Please mom and dad, tell everyone around you to not do what you did to me.

Tell them to be careful not to get pregnant if they do not want a baby. And if the lady does, please don’t kill the baby like you killed me. There are other ways. Respect the law but also respect our lives please.

I am fine here now. I have many friends who are my age and are here for many reasons. The luckiest ones are those who are a little elder than me and who at least met their parents and knew what the joy of it was. They say we are luckier as we never developed that bond which once broken is even more painful. I think it is just perspective.

I am able to say so many intelligent things because as you know, both my grandmothers are here. When they saw me enter heaven they recognized me and since then they have talked to me a lot.

Give a lot of love to my elder sister. And I love you all.

Your unnamed son.

Expected

She had not expected this. It was a very new life with her husband.This was not a marriage she had chosen to be in.She had expected  indifference and lack of love from her corporate boss husband.She thought he would not have any time or inclination for her. She had not expected this.

This post is in response to Leo’s latest challenge on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘. Hope you all liked it.

Perfect Life

Many a times, each one of us have cribbed on how our life is unfair. How life per say should be different. Why do our loved ones die? Why are there heartbreaks? Can’t life be more kind on us and not give us such horrors? Why diseases like Cancer or AIDS or Brain Hemmorhage? Why can only life be made of small things like just getting hurt? LIFE IS SO IMPERFECT FOR EVERYONE.

 

Here’s a glimpse into a perfect life. The ideal human life, as we all want it to be :

  1. There is no death. So I get to live with all my forever. And the future generations just keep living with us. Everyone is happy. We have all loved ones around us. And guess what, no history lessons needed. The participants would be with us only.
  2. No one gets a deadly disease. The maximum anyone has is cough or cold or maybe a bruise. No need for tears or slow deaths. Or even any medicines and expensive treatments. Some bandages and Savlon is enough. And because no trouble of diseases, no crying out over fancy facilities to ‘stay safe’.
  3. There are no social or religious evils, as we call them. Thus the need for social institutions, NGOs etc is lost. So much money is saved here. Also no fighting for positions. No power games. Nothing.
  4. Everyone has a perfect supply of food and other things. No killing over for that. How nice!
  5. No black markets, no robberies. The world is peaceful.

These are just some of the aspects of the perfect world. The combinations could be many many more.

NOW, is the other side of the coin visible or should I show it?

I guess I should.

  1. Let’s get the population issue first. Fit all these people on this Earth, can we? Also the resources, as if are not dying fast, that we need more burden on them. Or maybe the perfect world can have an ever expanding land and other resources too… this is imagination, right? And who needs any education system. Everyone is right there to teach us everything.
  2. No diseases, no hospitals, medicines etc. Half the economy and education system down? Who needs doctors, nurses, chemists etc.
  3. No evils means no propaganda for their cure needed. The ‘good’ books, the lectures, the stress management market. All gone. No power games, but then who does come to power and how is the economy run at all?
  4. With everyone having equal resources, who needs anything more in distribution and management. No management issues means no MBAs needed. Out of the half economic sector left, here’s three-fourth more gone.
  5. Last but not the least. No problems means no solutions required. No more Armed forces, or Police need to be there. No need of a judicial system. No need of any system at all.

What we have left is no economy, no systems, no education, no government of any sort (what’s the need). Absolutely nothing but content human beings. Or are they? How do they interact? How to goods get exchanged? What do we teach our children, what runs as education?

And her’s the last straw to this pile of ‘Happiness’ (sarcasm intended).

When there is no death, no cancer, no hurt, no power play, no miserable lives, would we stop calling life unfair? Would not your family member catching a cold become the end of the world.

” I am so unlucky, my sister caught a cold today. Poor her. That is the worst thing in the world. How unfair life is” (because then, catching a cold would be the worst thing in the world).

 

I won’t moralize you with the lesson needed to be learnt here. You all are smart enough. 🙂

Take care.