Gender Equlaity

Note – Before I even begin to write what is on my mind, let me clarify that I am aware of and agree to the following, lest I be reminded of these later:

  • Women were mistreated in all possible ways for many many years and still are in some segments
  • The concept of women not being equal to men was never gladly accepted and is still not.
  • Systems such as Dowry, Parda et all should never have existed and should not exist
  • Female foeticide and infanticide are a deplorable reality

HAVING SAID ALL OF THIS, my focus in this post is on the middle class segment of the society which BY AND LARGE does not suffer from these ailments (or at least not in a violent way) – EXCEPTIONS ARE MANY I KNOW!

Today, I will be concentration on equality that needs to be provided to the MEN in our society. Most people must be agreeing with me, but never state the same given that it is completely against what SHOULD be said.

I want the females reading this to picture the following (the men are already a part of this so no need for them to imagine):

  • A coach specifically reserved for the ladies in the Metro, and the right to travel in all other coaches as well – and then when in PEEK Rush Hour, some females decide to board the general coach, the expectation by them that all men will maintain one arm’s distance from them – and every time the same is not done (simply because it is not possible in that kind of crowd), the women cry hoarse over the issue subjecting the men to humiliation and shame. [I have seen this so many times in the last one month plus of travelling by metro that I pity the poor men]
  • A woman can flirt with any man around her that she wishes to, and it is supposed to be taken as a compliment by the men – but the minute a man she doesn’t WANT attention from decides to flirt with her, all charges of molestation, eve-teasing etc. are rattled off on the guy. EITHER disallow the women also from flirting with the men THEY THINK FIT OR allow the men also to flirt with the women THEY THINK FIT.
  • During a fight between two people, the woman may threaten to kill, destroy, harm the man and the man is supposed to understand that she is saying all these things in anger (even if she may have meant them), but the man as much as glares at the woman or as much as moves his hand (not hitting her), a case of Domestic Violence is slapped on to the guy.
  • A woman decides to dress in absolutely see through clothes (I have seen a female – on a metro platform, dressed in a white see through skirt, to the extent that her inner garments were visible). Such woman expects to attract all the attention she WANTS and no UNWANTED attention. It’s simple – you don’t want men of all kinds staring at you – don’t wear such clothes at 9:30 in the night in a public place. Any man who as much as looks in the direction of such females  will be called names and questions will be raised on everything ranging from his character to his upbringing.
  • The woman (wife) can decide to disrespect her in-laws, not even be courteous to them, take their son away (literally) from their home and lives and no-one bats an eyelid, but if a man as much as suggests that the girl’s family is too interfering, this amounts to CRUELTY on the woman.
  • In any given field today, there is reservation for Lower Castes, Economically backward,….., Women – Where it leaves the general category men, I shudder to think.

At no point am I claiming that middle class females are not subject to atrocities. My sole contention is that, for the acts of a few, why is the whole community of men being held guilty. Why have we made it a habit to assume it is the man’s fault? Why is it that before we even know an iota of the story, we assume that somehow somewhere the man is wrong? If the woman is angry, it is the man;s fault, he must have caused the provocation; if the man feels angry, it is the man’s fault, he should not have given in to the provocation, “if at all” by the woman. EQUALITY???

The following video shows just what equality should mean (I INSIST EVERYONE WATCH IT ONCE) –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JADWjEajg

 

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On my mind…

Today as I opened this site after months altogether, I realized how much I have missed it..not…

My notification bar tells me my blog turned 4 on the 12th of this month. I remember how till last year the birth-date of my blog used to be a huge deal for me… so what changed in the past one year:

1. I had less time as there were shorter semesters, tougher subjects and longer internships OR

2. I lost the knack to write as most topics I can think of are already being written about and mostly better than how I could write them OR

3. I JUST CHANGED…. NO EXCUSES ATTACHED

There was a time I used to think people who called blogging a “fad” or “a passing craze” were out of their minds. Now I realize how true they were…. at least in my case. I cannot speak for anyone else.

Anyhow, I am not here just to tell you why I stopped blogging. Am here to write on something that has been on my mind far too long, and regarding which, even though the whole world seems to be saying what I would in the post, I feel the need to write my views.

Our Hon’ble Supreme Court just il-legalized gay sex and in short being gay again. Four years of so called peace, atleast from the legal aspect to these people and now this.

A lot of people on the other side of the table from me say that it is unnatural and the more “progressive” ones say that even though it is natural and we are none to decide who can love and sleep with whom, Indian society is not yet ready for it. Well, dear friends, the apex Court seems to agree with you all.

What issue can I raise that has not already been raised throughout media, actual or virtual. Nothing.

And yet, at the cost of repetition I want to ask, WHO do we think we are, deciding for them what to do and what not.

Being gay or lesbian is not a disease, or a choice, they are born that way. If “Nature” made them that way, how by any stretch of imagination can it be “unnatural”…… Please someone explain this to me BY LOGIC.

Even if it is not supported by our culture (if at all) or by the protectors of our religions…… Is it not time we changed our views.

If that be the case, if YOU want to take up the offence/ defense of religion and culture, why has the same Hon’ble Court legalized live in relationships thus legalizing pre-marital sex; or divorce; or Widow remarriage et all.

The examples I just took may seem unrelated. I hear a few people say that these are basic rights, eg: a woman to remarry if her husband dies and not to lead a dead life. But trust you me, this much, if not more havoc was created when it was first mentioned of being legalized… How is this any different?

To all those seeking a “cure for this disease” or “a tag of illegality to continue on it”… I ask you, Then What? It is illegal and immoral for gay or lesbian couples to be together…. Next? They have to forcefully marry someone of the opposite gender… Next? They have to have sex with such spouse because isn’t that what all this was all about? Sex between opposite genders and not the same to be able to bear off-springs…. Next? Everyone ends up being frustrated, sad, dissatisfied……. Next? The person forced into the marriage on this end finds ways to hide and be himself/herself and has affairs with people of the same gender… while the spouse of sheer frustration, has affairs too……A HAPPILY EVER AFTER??? I just don’t see it.

As I finish writing I realize that this is far from my good posts… and is nearly a rant… but I had to say what I had to say….

One sided

Love, if it is true, is always one sided.

I do not mean to say here that two people cannot be in mutual love of each other. That, though in actuality rare, is possible.

What I want to convey is, that if one truly loves the other person, it is going to be one sided. The feeling one has for the other is not going to be dependent on how the other feels. For the lack of a better word, one may say that all love, in essence, is platonic.

If it weren’t so, and if in fact we were dependent on reciprocity to truly love someone, it would become a mere transaction. just a “give and take“. No?

Sounds complex and unreal!  Understand this by this example.

Pick up any person that you know you truly love. Husband/ Wife/ Parent/ Sibling/ Child……. Now, if that person were to not love you back, for whatever reasons; keeping aside the hurt/ anger etc of not being loved back, would you really stop loving that person? If your sibling told you he/she was indifferent towards you, you may be upset, but would that knowledge that there is no reciprocity, end your love for that person.

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Think hard…. And here’s the clincher… if your answer to my above question is that lack of desired emotion from the other end would actually hold a place in deciding your emotion for that person; it’s a sad state of affairs for you and that particular relation. Not from the side of that person, but from your side.

Now I’ll move on to the next level question. That is, if you agree with what I said above.

Now that we know that love for the other person is not dependent on them, why is it so important that the other person reciprocate. Yes, it would be great if he/she did. But what we end up doing is making ourselves miserable if that is not the case. Why?

That person did not ask you to love them. If you, by your own free will, decided that you loved them, do they not get the free will to decide not to have that emotion for you? It is funny how the persons we claim to love become culprits in our eyes if they decide to practice their free will. They have every right not to love you, to love someone else, or feel whichever way they deem fit.

However, my focus is not on that other person, it is on you (Person 1). We get sad, depressed, low etc when we find out that our emotions are only from our end. Now that we know that it isn’t actually of consequence for our emotion that how the other person feels, be happy and grateful that you got a chance to live in the emotion.

An emotion as positive as love, and we blemish it by sighting it as reason for our sadness……Ironical!!!

Liebster Angel

A few days back, my very good friend and fellow blogger Ankit honoured me by bestowing on to me the Liebster Award.

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To read about what the award is, he has explained it in his post “here“.

The rules of the award are:

  • Post 11 things about yourself
  • Answer 11 questions set by the nominator
  • Choose 11 deserving bloggers meeting the criteria
  • Set 11 questions for them.
  • Inform the nominee by commenting on one of their posts.

You are not obligated to accept the award to send it forward. This is just a way to get a word out about new blogs that your followers may not know.

11 things about myself:

  • I am a die hard fan of old songs and only very few of the new ones appeal to me
  • Comedy sitcoms are my weakness
  • I prefer salty food over sweets
  • I am very very moody at times
  • I love to read and write but somehow lose interest soon in both these days
  • I absolutely adore debating with someone who can debate with valid points
  • I do not mind losing a debate if the other person has fair points to tell
  • As of today, I want nothing more than to go back and start living at home again
  • Some people irritate me for no reason whatsoever
  • I tend to trust people too soon
  • I just realized I can only list 10 things about myself (this counts :p )

The 11 answers

  •  What brought you to the blogging world? – My interest in the blogging world was started by a senior of mine in college and thereafter by you and another acquaintance who maintained a blog.
  • Life according to your perspective? – Life is what we make of it, without exceptions. We are that which we got onto ourselves.
  • Do you believe in Karma System? – I believe that without doing so consciously, we ourselves pay for our wrongs, so in that sense, we are our own Karma.
  • If given a chance to go back into your past…Name one thing you would change in your life? That one incident that has made my parents the most embarrassed and made them sad the most.
  • A person you cant live without? – My sister
  • Most dreaded dream that you don’t want to come true? – Too many on an equal footing
  • A thing of past, you want to change? – Repeated question, same answer
  • A message for fellow bloggers? – Write only because you want to, and when you do, don’t let anything stop you
  • Your Favorite Blog (Apart from your Own) – Some Solved Riddles, I Rhyme Without Reason and Point Blanc or Blank Point
  •  One thing That makes you Smile? – My siblings and cousins
  • A few honest words about my blog? – Think more often and about more things. You have much more potential than you think you do.

11 “worthy” bloggers is too hard to choose, so am keeping this numberless, am giving it to as many people as I think fit (sue me for breaking the rules) :

The 11 questions :

  • Your views on GOD and his doings?
  • Your first wish if a Genie were around?
  • What do you think should be the punishment for the “juvenille” in the Delhi case (at present the maximum punishment he can be given by law is 3 years community service and stay in an observation home)?
  • You are most materialistically possessive about?
  • The person you are most possessive about?
  • The song you relate to the most?
  • The most idiotic/ outrageous comment you have ever received about you?
  • The best compliment you have ever received?
  • The one thing in the past you wish you could change?
  • One honest opinion about my blog?
  • What should I change about my blog?

Take care all.

A few things

To start with, my blog turned 3 on 14th. Am sorry have been busy with exams. And to compensate for that I am going to give my blog a little gift. This little gift is what my blog has not had for a long time and I believe it to be necessary. You all might have already noticed the gift if you have been here before. Yep, new theme. I wanted it to have a bit more of a simple, classy look. Leo, you worked so much on my last theme, don’t worry I have it all with me, in my system.

And also, two pictures for the wish.

Wish Wishing

 

 

To end with, am facing the worst that can happen to a writer. I do not feel like writing these days. There are many reasons to it, one being added very recently. To all the people who like reading what I write, am sorry to keep you waiting. I know exactly what it is like when we wish to read what someone has to write and we don’t get to. Also I hope I am able to put up a proper post here soon.

For now, browse through the categories. You might find something interesting! 🙂

Take care everyone!

Tagged

So, I’ve been tagged again. This time by the supposed ‘no tag no awards’ blogger ‘Leo‘ :p. He decided to accept the tag and has tagged me and put me in a real fix. This is because the questions that come with this tag need a lot of introspection of my blog, and who likes to rate their own child. But, the needful has to be done.

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1. My most beautiful post – This is so hard, simply because I feel many of my posts are beautiful in their own league. However, if I still just had to choose one post, I believe it would ‘My story‘. This post is the story of an unwanted child. I label it as my most beautiful because till date, I believe this is the one post, that has been able to stir emotion into me every time I read it.

2. My most popular post – In terms of visits this answer would have been different, but I do realize that most of those visits have been not due to what I wrote but simply due to the topic. So i would rate this on the basis of highest comments.. ‘What comes when the worst is over‘. This was a post about the social outlook and the after-life of a survivor of the heinous act of rape.

3. My most controversial post – There is a post, which I knew would stir a reaction even before I posted it. Though the reaction and opposition was much tamer than I expected, it was there nonetheless. and therefore the most controversial post of mine would have to be ‘A little standpoint on God‘.

4. My most helpful post – This is a tricky one, as i doubt I have ever written from the point of view of helping someone. However, if i broadened my perspective and looked at it in a way so as to see which post of mine has been most understood and related to, it would have to be the post ‘Generalize‘.

5. A post whose success surprised me – This one is not so hard to decide. When I was writing this particular post, it had never struck me that this post would be read by the number of people that actually did. The post in mention here is ‘FULKA 2011′

6. A post i feel did not get the attention it deserved – Though with time I have realized that a post does sooner or later get the attention it deserves, and if it does not get too much attention maybe the deserving in only in my hear. Having said that, there is a particular post that I feel was deserving, at least based on how I was as a writer when I wrote it, and that is ‘Split Personality – in modern times‘.

7. A poem I am proud of – I hardly ever write poems, and therefore when I do, everyone of them is, for me, something to be proud of. However, I do feel that one of the recent poems I wrote, has impressed me, if none else. Someone I know pointed out that i had lost the essence of the poem in my attempt to make it rhyme, but I believe as an amateur poet, I am allowed that. The poem is ‘ bas yun hi (just like that)‘.

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Now, comes the other part, and that is to tag 5 people who I would like to see take up this tag.

1.  From the heart, for the hearts

2. Pages Off Life

3. Penning down the mind

4. Kismitoffeebar

5. Meera’s Musings

I would request all 5 to please take up the tag as would love to see them introspect on their blogs.

Complicated

Note : This story is a work of fiction and any resemblance in name, place etc to any person is purely coincidental.

 

 

 

Amrita was just another girl who had just turned twenty. She was very lucky woman for her age because she was in a no time-pass no nonsense long term relationship. There was no question as to the fact that she was very much in love with the man who loved her equally. Also their relationship was much mature owing to the fact that it was not a week or month old but had been there for a long time now.

Even in those moments when she was angry or upset at him, there was never even a thought that she might not love him or vice versa. Obviously not everything was picture perfect, but she understood that so was the case in every relationship of every kind.  The differences of opinion she had with him did not dampen their love.

Still, there was one ‘little complication’ in her heart. Though she loved dearly her boyfriend and was completely loyal to him, her heart was divided in two as she also loved dearly another man. When she had first met him, it had seemed to Amrita that this other man was no more than a fleeting crush. A feeling that would go away soon. It didn’t.

With the passage of time, her love for both men grew. While many thought it was impossible to love two people in the same manner at the same time, she disagreed. If it was perfectly normal to be in love with two men at different times, why was it any different if both were present at one time. Love is an emotion and it is not something that happens systematically as to only fall in love once you no longer love another person. In actuality, there can never be falling out of love, so she loved them both.

 

 

Now, while loving the other man, she knew very clearly that relationships were the last thing he was looking for. His calling in life was different and falling in love was something he actively avoided. Also she was sure that he was the kind of person to leave decisions such as that of a life partner on his parents or other people he trusted in that regard.

However, Amrita was fearful. She feared that if someday, her ‘second love’ did indeed fall in love, how would she react? How would she react if he fell in love with another woman? But more importantly, how would she react if he fell in love with her? He knew very well she was in a relationship, but what if in some manner she were to come to know of his love for her. What would she do then?

The choice between the two men she loved would maybe drive her crazy. And though she loved the second man with all her heart, just like she loved the first one, she knew not what to hope for in the future. Should she hope for the man to love another and move away or should she hope for him to fall in love with her and stay?

Amrita had no answers to her mindset and knew that it was, to put it simply, “complicated”.