Expected

She had not expected this. It was a very new life with her husband.This was not a marriage she had chosen to be in.She had expected  indifference and lack of love from her corporate boss husband.She thought he would not have any time or inclination for her. She had not expected this.

This post is in response to Leo’s latest challenge on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘. Hope you all liked it.

Trust me

Yes people, I’m alive…

Getting on to a challenge which I got on 13th April and am yet to write on, here’s my comeback with the post “Trust me, I know I won’t let you down” given to me by Leo on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘ .

This is a sentence we all hear a lot from almost everyone around us. For things small to big. It may be making tea or doing well in exams (my examples), we say this often and mostly to people who either entrust themselves/their work on us or to people for whom how we do our own work matters.

But I have a question for everyone here. How often do we mean it and how often do we say it to just assure the other person. The test to this is to know whether we ourselves think we will not let the other person down. But  if there is the slightest of doubt in our mind that we might be unable to meet the expectations of the other person, then is it not better to tell them the truth rather than give them hope when we ourselves lack it.

What I am saying may seem very ideological and ideological stuff doesn’t work according to all of us. Think of it this way, whenever someone says that they won’t let you down, and of they then do, our first thought is “Kaash pehle bata deta, itni umeedein to nahi lagate” (I wish we had been told earlier, atleast we would not have been so hopeful). Why is it then, that what we wish for ourselves, becomes so hard to give to others? It is only fair, isn’t it?

I’d like to narrate a story here, that should tell us why these words are so hollow at most times and when they are meant, why the person saying them himself seems to not care later on.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very trustworthy. This was not because he always accomplished what he set out to do (that is not possible for anyone), but because when he was in doubt if he would be able to do it or not, he would say this to the people. This was until he was 12 years old. At this point, his parents started to teach him that saying ‘I might not be able to do what you ask’ is very rude. One must say that  I will do it, and if then after giving your 100% it does not happen, then everyone understands that fate too plays a role. Ironically, these people were of the category who often felt bad when others who had said the same thing, could not live up to it.

So gradually the man learnt to lie. Now he would tell everyone that he could do whatever was asked of him. Things started to go downwards when he could not meet his promises. It is funny how everyone trusted him when he never said ‘Trust me’ but the opposite began to happen (as it does with all of us) when he started saying ‘Trust me’ in everything.

As the man realized that he could always say that he gave his 100% but fate interfered, the inevitable happened. He stopped giving his 100%. When he was younger and said that he might be able to do things, he gave his 100% because it meant that he really could do it. Now he had an escape route. He could easily give his 75% and then say fate was not on his side. Who was there to measure how hard he tried?

This 75% kept falling till there was a stage of carelessness. ‘If I want to do it I will, else I’ll just pretend I did it and will say it was not in my hands’.

Isn’t that what we all do at times. Do we actually give our 100% to everything we commit ourselves for by asking for the trust? Think about it. It’s needed to be thought about.

Not tonight dear!

Another challenge.. a different kind.. given by Aame, on my ‘Challenge Accepted‘ page. Her challenge is :

Willful denial of sex, including that on the first night after wedding, by either of the spouse amounts to cruelty and can be a ground for dissolution of the marriage, the Delhi high court has ruled. Your views?

The court said, that willful denial of sex, by either of the spouse, for no real reason, is a ground for divorce. The court awarded divorce to the couple in question in the case as the wife did not argue to the fact that she denied her husband sex, even on the first night.

So, what do I think of this?

Let me look at this one legally.. Cruelty is defined under the IPC as Any act that causes death, hurt or wrongful confinement, whether physical or mental, or which leads the person to commit suicide, is cruelty. So, does wishful denial of sex fit in?

Looking at it in a strict sense, no it does not! But as is the case with any law, it is made not by any text but by it’s interpretation in real cases. So, yes, this can be cruelty. It is hard to imagine a healthy marriage without sex, not just because sex is a necessary part of marriage, but more so because a marriage in which one of the partners is not ready to be physically intimate with the other, seems to smell of something unhealthy between the two.

In my personal opinion, I do believe that sex is an important part of marriage. However, when it comes to divorce, even if divorce has to be allowed in such cases, it should not be on the grounds of cruelty but on mutual consent. Recently, by an amendment in the marriage laws in India, mutual consent of both parties has been made a valid ground for divorce. So, if the parties are not happy physically together. Or even if one party is not, it has to be understood between them that all is not well and that if the need arises, they should part ways. It is better than one pressing charges of cruelty on the other. Intimacy in a couple cannot be forced, and therefore the lack of it should not be labelled cruelty but the reasons behind the same should be understood and given importance to.

Let’s not play the blame game in Court but aim at finding a solution. Willful denial of sex is a valid ground for divorce, but not for labeling it as cruelty. That’s what I think. What about you?

The special interview

This is a special interivew from the ones I conducted, because the host blogger is a kiddo. And have I ever mentioned how much I love adults who are kiddos. 🙂 (coz am 1 myself).

@Kismitofeebar – Yes, this is my trying to save myself from being killed by you. :p Am so sorry I missed your’s.

Here it is people, a special interview of a blogger new even to me, but a wonderful blogger nevertheless… no two ways in that. I give you all Kismitoffebar.

1. Full Name : kismitoffeebar (seriously, that blood flows in me given the fact that I emptied kismibars instead of milk)

2. Blog Name : kismitoffeebar (no prizes for guessing why).

3. Your one post that is your best till date (as per you) : They are all my babies and oh yes, did I mention that I am new here?

4. What motivates you most in life – life and everyone and everything that comes along with it.Call me cheesy but I live for simple moments. And my ambition is to have as many simple happy moments as possible. And be cause for for as many as I can.

5. What is that that pulls you down – Gravity. I promise. Like, pinky swear. Else, who’d miss the opportunity to fly?

6. What is your one most precious dream – To always always love and live life. To keep people around me happy.Yes, they both are one and the same.

7. Who is the one most important person to you – I love my people way too much to rank them. So, ptbhtbhththbth 🙂

8. Is your life today how you had imagined it just 5 years ago – No. It wouldn’t be called life if you could plan everything.

9. Are you the same as the you 10 years ago – My better half says that I grow more and more kiddo-er with every passing day. and I am NOT complaining 🙂

10.What is your present profession – I am a medical professional specialied in disabilities. So, I work for health and communication of persons with special needs. Oh, I can write zillion posts on this 🙂

11. Which other profession would you liked to be in – I’d like to be the President. Or Ruskin Bond. Ruskin Bond is an altogether new profession. I can’t tell you how much I love the man. — ooooo–

12. What part of nature fascinates you the most -It is and has to be one entity. I don’t believe in parts.The aspect that fascinates me is how it rejuvenates itself and reinvents itself endlessly, as though it were trying to teach us something.

13. Do you believe in fate – Yes. I do. We do our best, God does the rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14. If you had to change one thing about your past, what would it be – The duration of my childhood.I spoke your thoughts no? I knew it man !

15. If you could see into the future, what would you like to get to know – Nothing. I like it one day at a time, each one a surprise. I don’t have the courage or willingness to see into the future.

16. Is there anyone who you believe deserves more or less attention than you are giving him/her – I wish I could could give everyone around me more attention. It bothers me to be not able to do that to my heart’s content. But, well.

17. Which is that one moment in life that can never be outdone in terms of how happy it made you – Everytime I am happy, I do some stupid giggly wiggly childish things. They are all equally happiness inducing. But I particularly treasure those where I have laughed with loved ones or seen the greenery around me that overwhelmed me. And some amazing writing and music. See? I knew I was not heading anywhere.

18. The most precious gift you ever received -Is this a trick question or what?

19. The cutest sight you have seen (first hand, not on the internet) – Please please can I name 4? My li’l bro used to have this small li’l school bag and he used to wear it and look so so cute that I used to feel like putting him in my pencil box and carry him everywhere, my better half looks at me with those wide eyed puppy dog eyes and I wish to put him inside my handbag and carry him around, my ma looks so amazingly cute when she tries to sms that I feel like crying and my pa trying to create many accounts including facebook and sending me invites at wee hours with his lovey expression.

20. The one place you would like to settle at, in life – At home. I want to be home in India. I pray that I get to do it by God’s Grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as part of this special program, am putting here the post I think is her best till date – The bun man

The last round (for now) – 15

The last round of interviews, for now, until more people decide to take part is here. I am extremely sorry for keeping you waited for these bloggers and for keeping them waiting for their interview. I give you Rachit and Rahul.


Rachit :

1. Full Name: Rachit Sharma
2. Blog Name: Weakest LINK
3. Your one post that is your best till date (as per you) : Your Poor Nerd
4. What motivates you most in life – my failures
5. What is that pulls you down – envying other success
6. What is your one most precious dream – News Not Making News revolutionizing news sector
7. Who is the one most important person to you – my father
8. Is your life today how you had imagined it just 5 years ago – life has taken a complete u-turn… back then I wasn’t a blogger… hate reading leave aside writing in the first place…
9. Are you the same as the you 10 years ago – yeah, as a person not much has changed in me, was an emotional fool back then and have been same now… only I start loving writing and became passionate for social change.
10. What is your present profession – Changemaker at News Not Making News
Blogger at Weakest LINK
Internet marketing analyst at Educomp
11. Which other profession would you liked to be in – Instrumentation engineering… I spend my life four crucial years studying it…
12. What part of nature fascinates you the most – it’s profoundness to accept change
13. Do you believe in fate – yeah… I believe in fate… destiny plays a crucial role in shaping a person though we have the power to mould it.
14. If you had to change one thing about your past, what would it be – I would have never made her cry..
15. If you could see into the future, what you would like to get to know – When will I die… so that I know how much time I have in my pocket to make News Not Making News a household name
16. Is there anyone who you believe deserves more or less attention than you are giving him/her – My parents
17. Which is that one moment in life that can never be outdone in terms of how happy it made you – My father saying I’m proud of you my son
18. The most precious gift you ever received – way of living a dignified life from my parents
19. The cutest sight you have seen (first hand, not on the internet) –
20. The one place you would like to settle at, in life –Lucknow, my hometown… do visit once.. you will fell in love with that place

Rahul:

1. Full Name : *optional – Rahul Miglani
2. Blog Name : *optional – Desire v/s Destiny 
3. Your one post that is your best till date (as per you) : *optional – One Night Stand ;Really ! and
Confession : I Hit and Ran ! These are the 2
4.What motivates you most in life – My dad
5. What is that that pulls you down – Traffic 😉 , welcome to delhi
6. What is your one most precious dream – I wanna be a millionaire so freaking bad !!! Well I wanna own a house first !
7. Who is the one most important person to you – My wife !
8. Is your life today how you had imagined it just 5 years ago – well 90% .
9. Are you the same as the you 10 years ago – No Freaking ways !
10. What is your present profession – Software enginner
11. Which other profession would you liked to be in – I would have been a cricketer !!!
12. What part of nature fascinates you the most – The wilderness !
13. Do you believe in fate – As I say its desire v/s destiny , Life is a just like a video game !!! 2 fighters on either side !! One player is desire and the other is Destiny
14. If you had to change one thing about your past, what would it be – Nothing , My past made me learn and made me what I am
15. If you could see into the future, what would you like to get to know – What is bank balance 😉 , Well frankly Nothing !!! otherwise My motivation to achieve things will dim down
16. Is there anyone who you believe deserves more or less attention than you are giving him/her – yes , My wife , she thinks I give her less attention and I agree ! 🙂
17. Which is that one moment in life that can never be outdone in terms of how happy it made you – yeah , My first Job !
18. The most precious gift you ever received – precious , B’day gift from wife !! 🙂
19. The cutest sight you have seen (first hand, not on the internet) – sight as in sight hmm !!! was on my honeymoon ! no comments !!
20. The one place you would like to settle at, in life – apni dilli !!!

Words have no meaning

A word, by itself, has No meaning at all.

Here’s a word : Dog!

All of you readers must have thought of ‘a dog’, but at the same time no two dogs would be the same. While some of you might have thought of a pet dog, while some others of a street dog. Even in these two categories, there are millions sub categories. Very rarely will two people take the exact same meaning of a word or set of words.

Here’s an example : He said he sat at the back in the theater.

For all of us, ‘at the back’ would mean towards the rear end, but where exactly is different to each one of us.

Why is it important to be exact, you ask me. The examples I gave are very simple ones, think of a situation where someone says a set of sentences to you. With each word having a different detail to it’s meaning for you both, do you now how much possibility there is of a mis-communication?

We say that the root of all evil is that the people involved are unable to convey exactly what it is that they wish to say. Do you now see how it starts.

But why is it so? It is because we understand each word we hear on the basis of our life experiences. When someone talks of pain, for example, we perceive it in a sense in which we have experienced pain. So even a word as general as pain, is different for us all.

Our life experiences dominate each and everything we hear or say. So, the next time you are saying something to someone, or someone says something to you… be more precise, or ask that person to be more precise. 🙂

This new challenge

Before anything else, my next challenge, by Leo, on my ‘Challenge Accepted‘ page, is technically incorrect.

His challenge reads, and I quote, “If you and I had never met, would you have missed me in your life?”

It is technically impossible to miss someone you do not know, but I’ll be large-hearted (:p) and interpret this to mean what all I would have missed had I never met Leo, a.ka. Vinay.

Had I not known you,

I would have missed a friend.

And also challenges here,

would not have been a hot trend.

You made me believe in my poetry,

a belief I never had.

Looking back I do realize, without Leo,

this blog would have been sad.

My sweetheart header, is thanks to you,

the blog really looks nice,

So I here say thanks,

for adding to this space some spice.

The pet name JJ, you gave me,

it does sound really new.

In your friendship Janhvi too has evolved,

because friends like you are few.

How can I thank you enough,

I really wonder many-a-time.

It is solely because of you,

That this poem too does rhyme.