“Completing” the other?

Romantic movies wish for us to believe that there is one person out there who is our other half; someone who will complete us intellectually, emotionally, and physiologically. They want us to wait for this soulmate and this person shall be our salvation.

We can and should find someone for ourselves who is an intellectual companion. Whose wavelength matches ours and with whom we can feel ourselves growing in understanding and consciousness continuously.

We must have a partner who is our emotional bond and who helps us grow in exploring the depths of our own feelings.

We most certainly need a partner who is there for our physiological needs. There is no shame is demanding for ourselves someone with whom we can have a mutually beneficial ecosystem of the body.

I feel and at least one friend of mine agrees, it is impossible to have a single partner fulfilling all these expectations . This is expecting way too much and setting ourselves up for a major disappointment.

It is seen as against the moral understanding of matters if we accept that we need at all times in our lives, more than one partner. We are advised and counselled to have the void left with the one partner replaced with appropriate other socializing (a kind that doesn’t have us developing feelings for someone else).

Why is not an eyebrow raised when someone falls out of love and then in love with someone else over a course of time? It is socially acceptable that we once loved someone for our emotional compatibility with them and now that we no logger are in love with them we can find love for someone who we intellectually connect with.

6.5 or so years ago I wrote a fictional story on loving multiple persons and the line that I wrote that has stayed with me over the years is: “If it was perfectly normal to be in love with two men at different times, why was it any different if both were present at one time?

I strongly believe we are not capable of giving our partner everything they are looking for and that is perfectly normal and okay.

Will we ever truly understand this or will our insecurity of not feeling worthy enough always force us to live in the illusion of the completeness of the monogamous system?

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