Understanding myself

I recently talked (here) of the new journey that I have embarked on. I also believe how I’ve made two great friends and am settling in.

As time passes, I slowly gravitate to carving a new comfort zone for myself in this initially alien place. I have had a little time in the past few days and have been introspecting. I have realized that my nature when it comes to friendships and “hanging out” is a very mixed one. I absolutely hate being the 3rd/ 5th wheel in groups where it feels my presence or absence makes no difference at all. At the same time, being alone when people I consider good friends are hanging out with others is anxiety creating for me too. I sometimes think I’m seeking the impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I love my alone time; I prefer that to hanging out with mere acquaintances or just random friends.

That is me as of today afternoon.

Another aspect of myself I have come to realize and accept recently is that in each walk of life, in each “group” around me, I only become friendly with one or maybe two people. With them, I am someone who loves nothing more than going out and having a good time. All others in that walk of my life, though, are somewhere between acquaintances and friends but certainly not good friends.

Be it Sunita from school, Ritvik as a Fauji Brat, Anil from online friendships, Arnav as the intellectual friend, Anneysha from office or the two friends here, it is never a “group of friends” for me.

As SIMS slowly but surely starts to grow on me and the “SIMS way of life” becomes my way of life, I realize more than ever that coffee, tea, pakode, pasta etc are only fun with the right people, else it just isn’t worth the effort.

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