Holy Matrimony

Marriage is believed to be a holy and everlasting relationship between two persons. Apart from being seen as an eternal bond between the persons, in practical society also it has a very binding legal as well as social effect.

Two people, once married, should ideally not separate till “death do them apart”. There are legal mechanisms that allow for separation, but there are yet to be widely accepted social mechanisms. A divorce is seen as stigmatic on the persons involved so much so that the stigma many-a-times carries on even to the families.

So, let’s see this picture as painted by those who condemn the married couple to the punishment of being together forever come what may. For a couple for which it worked out, the picture is very clear, they do not wish to be apart and thus their happily ever after stays in consonance with society.

It’s the other lot I am worried about.What happens when a person is unable to love the other as they thought they did/would be able to. Not all two persons are compatible and what happens when these two are not. The socially acceptable standard is that the two should find a common ground and ‘work things out’. “After all they are not enemies.”
This is what they should do, and most people I believe even try to. But some relations are just not meant to be. Now what?
Let’s see the picture from the eyes of these people. The colours have lost their brightness, there seems to be no joy in the picture, just a couple living by societal standards.

We are all humans, and thus these unfulfilled marriages are bound to have two persons who will seek outside, be it a physical relationship to vent the frustration or a more fulfilling emotional relationship.
But here’s the icing on the cake, when such an emotional relation is found for one or both parties, they still stay where they are because there is no way society and in most cases their families would allow them to divorce their present partner and get together with someone else (maybe also presently married).

Most of us here would have seen Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna; leaving aside criticial reviews of the movie, here is a scene from this movie that raises a valid question. Be a little patient and watch the whole video :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISHZ92HRPyE

One of my fellow bloggers, Meera di had written a short fiction of this effect. When two married couples have all the persons involved being in love with someone ‘outside the marriage’, see what happens : read this.


And here’s one last example : How many here have seen the 1st story of ‘Das Kahanniyan’? That depicts the same point, doesn’t it? For all those who haven’t seen it or don’t remember it, here is the story in a crux. The wife in a supposedly happily married couple is in love with another person. This ‘boyfriend’ of her’s gifts her a necklace. As there is no way she can directly take the necklace home, she gives it to a jewellery shop and takes a coupon in return. She then tells her husband that she has won something from the jewellery shop and asks him to collect it for her. When he meets her and gives her a ring as the ‘gift she won’ she fakes being excited and runs to the reception area of her husband’s office to call up the jewellers. This is when she notices the necklace she was gifted. The secretary is wearing the necklace.

Now here is my question to all those who believe in the sanctity and everlasting nature of any and every marriage : How are any of the three above mentioned marriage sacred?

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10 thoughts on “Holy Matrimony

  1. Having Agreed to all the questions raised in your post, I too had the same question which my mamiji answered really well once while a debate was on. I was against the marrige institution when I was 16 or so. She made me believe in that, and somehow she convinced me that it is possible to spend lifetime with one single person if it is driven by love, affection and tolerance.

    Your balance take on the topic and questions raised reminded me of the debate before 10 years…

    • I agree completely with her, when the marriage is comprised of love, affection and tolerance, it’s a great institution. But what when it is not?? 🙂

  2. Lots of valid points, in my opinion though, lately, people are staying together because its a pain to get a divorce. It’s just easier to have an affair. You don’t disrupt your life and yet you have you diversion, love, passion – whatever it is you are looking for. It is like having your cake and eating it too.

  3. Janhvi very valid points raised here. You know I have always wondered how come people stray in a so-called happy marriage. What is the reason for it – simply put they are now out of love with that person.And this so-called thing can actually get stretched for years together. Why don’t they have the courage to face is a question I have failed to understand.

    I have recently read a book called Custody by Manju Kapur – something on similar lines. She has raised some valid questions there and yes it does question the sanctity of marriage.

    We have been brought up in a culture where there is so much unnecessary hullabaloo about marriage while actually it does not deserve that much I think. Looks,education, wealth, stars, hearts – everything matched still it cracks. There is no guarantee to its success or failure either.

    Loved your take on it …makes a very intriguing read!

    • Thank you for coming by and sharing your views. I think I’ll grab a copy of this book too.
      If stars, looks, education et all were to determine a healthy married life, it would be a piece of cake to have happy marriages all around. fortunately or unfortunately, it is not that simple!

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