FULKA – 2011

This is my first attempt at humour, so bear with it readers. It’s my challenge from Leo at my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘.

Challenge seven : Present an overweight girl’s case in a ‘food court’ (pun intended) –Β humourousΒ – in first person

The post is in the form of a court proceedings of an overweight girl (me) fighting my case in a ‘food court’. I am my own lawyer for this case. In the comingΒ dialogue, ‘Lawyer’ refers to the Prosecution Lawyer and ‘Me’ refers to…. me. πŸ™‚

Me : Main iss cook book pe haath rakh ke kasam khaati hun, ki main jo kahungi sach kahungi aur sach ke siwa kuch nahi kahungi. Β (I swear by this cook book that I will speak the truth, and nothing but the truth)

Judge: Lawyer, present your case.

Lawyer: Chef honour, Janhvi is a girl who was caught in the Noida Sector 18 Spoons Food Court having a meal which exceeds the 1400 calories prescribed by the FULKA 2011. *

Lawyer: Chef Honour, this girl who is already overweight, should be given the strictest of punishment for her crime, which I will now prove to the court that she has committed. Miss Pant, may I ask you some questions.

Me : Yes.

Lawyer : Where were you at 2 P.M. on the 1st of November 2011?

Me : I was at the Noida Sector – 18 Food Court, having my lunch.

Lawyer : Point to be noted, M’ Lord, the accused accepts her presence at the scene of crime. Ms. Pant, how much did you overeat on that day?

Me : Leading question M’ Lord, this question presumes I overate.

Judge : Counsel, no leading questions.

Lawyer : Yes, M’ Lord. Ms. Pant, how much did you eat that day.

Me : I had one set of chocolate doughnot, a plate of chicken biryani, and 2 boiled eggs. (total calories – 1300 +)

Lawyer : As is clear, Chef Honour, her consumption was at the border of the allowed intake of food. Any other, even simple, meal before or after lunch would have led to breaking of the rule laid down under S-6 of the Act.

Me : M’ Lord, I did not eat anything else on the said date, as I had no breakfast or dinner.

Lawyer : Can you prove that to this Hon’ble Food Court Ms. Pant?

Me : Chef Honour, I was visiting the Hon’ble High Court of Chandigarh that day, as part of my college program, and was inside Court Room 12 the whole time. This can be verified by the entry, submitted to this Hon’ble Court. **

Lawyer : Ms Pant, you could have easily eaten before or after your presence at the Court.

Me : According to a decision by this Hon’ble Court dated 7th July 2011 (State v. Ravi Singh), this court ordered all food joints to disbar entry to over-weights before 9 A.M and after 8 P.M. This, M’ Lord is the time of my presence in the court as testified by the submitted document.

Lawyer : M’ Lord, Ms. Pant has had to her credit a single meal calorie intake of more than 1500 calories on the 14th of February 2011. That too has to be punished.

Me: The Act was passed at 7th June, M’ Lord. It cannot have a retrospective effect and thus no liability arises.

Judge : On the basis of the evidence bought by the self counsel of the accused, this court acquits Ms. Pant of the charge under S-6 of FULKA. However, Ms. Pant, why do you not lose weight, and save yourself this trouble of eating restrictions.

Me : I will try M’ Lord, but I see myself not as over weight but as a lover of food. πŸ™‚

*FULKA:

Food Utilization and Liquid Konsumption Act 2011

Section 1 – Short title and extent: This Act will be called the FULKA 2011, effective from 7th July 2011 and will extend to the whole of India except the State of Jammu and Kashmir.

Section 2 – Food – Any item raw or cooked (or drink) consumed for the purpose of nutrition or enjoyment.

Section 3 – Height Weight Scale – The scale as mentioned in Appendix 1 to this Act.

Section 4 – Overweight – Any person whose weight falls in the red zone of the height weight scale.

Section 5 – Underweight – Any person whose weight is less at least by 10 kgs from the ideal weight as per the scale.

Section 6 – Regulation – No overweight person is allowed to consume more than 1400 calories in a day (1600 for rural population), proviso to the exceptions mentioned under Section 8.

Section 7 – Punishment – Any person not following the rule laid down under Section 6 is liable for a punishment for a prison term of 6 months or fine or both.

Section 8 – Exceptions – Β Notwithstanding any definition in this act, the following people will not be liable under Section 6 of this Act:

(A) Those who have been adviced medically to consume more calories

(B) Those who were bona fide purchasers of an eatable or drink, believing it’s calorie value to be within the prescribed limits, when it is actually not so.

Appendix 1:

**Chandigarh High Court Document:

Name : Janhvi Pant

Time of entry : 8:30 A.M – Card swiped – entry number 00007656531

Time of exit : 9:15 P.M. – Card swiped – exit number 00007656531

Break time : 1:45 P.M. to 2:20 P.M. – Card entry and exit number 8976678

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26 thoughts on “FULKA – 2011

  1. Pingback: Tagged « Thoughtful Thoughts

  2. Pingback: Until I return « Thoughtful Thoughts

  3. It was witty, but it did not make me laugh to be honest. Maybe I demand more sarcasm, if I may change my challenge, it will be more sarcasm! πŸ™‚

  4. Here I can see one more non-traditional attempt by Janhvi on a humorous topic…..As it was your first attempt…I love the way you tried to accommodate all the legal terminology into the case and what a nice FULKA 2011 Act….I just loved it…

    There’s a blog known as Humor unplugged…this guy has so much hold on humor that each post will make u laugh….give it a read..

    http://karmicsoliloquy.blogspot.com

    • Glad you enjoyed it.
      And thanks a million tons for that surprise. It made my month ( saying ‘day’ was just not sounding enough).
      Loads of love to Hridhima.

  5. Hey, good way to take the challenge πŸ˜€ made me smile throughout, and of course, LOL at a certain part πŸ˜‰

    Agree with Deepak, you certainly have a good sense of humor.. I can just imagine it now, sarcastic comments n all when u really battle it out in court with a prosecutor! The courthouse sure would be a fun place πŸ˜€

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