Love or compatibility

A lot has been said (by others and I) on love and romance. Keeping that aside, this post is about how important the compatibility factor is in love. And if ever one of them had to be chosen, which is more important, love or compatibility. (And here the question is in reference to the marriage factor)

I know, that the ideal situation is being compatible with the person you love, but what if you are compatible with a person you do not love as a partner and love a partner who is not really compatible. Now what do you do?

Do you choose to hope that you will some day gain compatibility with your partner, or do you go for compatibility and hope that love blossoms some day between the two people in question (after all that’s what happens in arrange marriages)?

Choosing compatibility would mean to understand the life partner and to be understood, which is one essential in any long term relation. It would also mean that there would be fewer disagreements, meaning a happier relation. But can that alone survive a relation where there is no love (at least as yet) in the relation? Should it be left to hope of love arising in the future? Aren’t the stakes too high – a loveless lifetime relationship?

On the other hand, there is love, which is said to be the foundation stone of any relationship. Love in the relation would mean that even if the two are incompatible (at least as yet), they might change for each other and becoming adjusting. Is it a gamble worth playing – a lifetime relation without being compatible?

One of my friends is facing this issue in her life and when I was asked for advice, it got me thinking, so I decided to consult my readers (you all).

Hope to hear from you. Take care.

15 thoughts on “Love or compatibility

  1. It is a complex equation Jhanvi. There is no hard and fast rule about these things. We should just figure out what is the best equation in our life. That is the trick of life.. 🙂

  2. Well i dont think love alone will make your survive your life through!
    Compatibility, understanding..whtever you call it is definitely needed!
    You can see compatibility in the form of arranged marriage, whr though love doesnt exist initially, you learn to coexist and that too rather happily. Love comes at some point for sure.

    Love without compatibility is bound to be questioned sooner or later. It will change and you will end up hating each other. Fights in a relationship is cute but if it happens like every other day and ego’s clash, then thr is no turning back. It will tumble down.

    But it all depends on the kind of person your friend is and what her priorities are.

  3. Strange.. why am I looking for compatibility with the other..? The question I would ask myself.. If I look for compatibility.. is that.. am I compatible with myself..? If the answer is yes.. then there is no expectation that the other needs to be compatible with me..
    In any relationship.. expectations are the killers.. be it love relationship. friends.. parents.. siblings.. name any relationship.. ever between a citizen and the government..
    also.. Jahnvi bachche.. when you have started to write.. rather than concentrating on “YOU”.. concentrate on “I”..
    every time you mention.. |
    you have or you think..
    or for that matter..
    why cant we.. or we are like this.. etc etc..
    it moves me away from the subject.. and the subject object in every situation.. in every relationship.. in everything.. is “ME”..
    if you are getting the message..
    then read ‘I’ everywhere you have written ‘YOU’.. and find the difference..
    also.. for any relation to survive.. I need to understand.. that the other has as much right to be himself/herself.. as much as I have the right to be myself.. no right wrong ka perspective valid here.. Jo hai.. jaisa hai.. for now wo aisa hi hai..
    from here on I can say.. that we can start.. ki jo jaisa hai.. wo waisa hai..
    tell your friend to accept the other.. as she accepts herself..

  4. You will find examples of people happily married/ unhappily married for both kind of couple… i would say it all depends what kind of person you are….and to what extent you are ready to try to make your marriage work. So ask your friend think about what kind of person she and the other person are and then decide

  5. well I have written a lot on love.. I dont beleive in it anymore .. it seems to be a farce these days 🙂

    but i do agree to one thing that if you love someone then compatibiliy does happen 🙂

    1. Thanks for your opinion….. it matters a lot.
      And you are right, love these days is not very real, but I am pretty sure that if my friend has reached up to the level of marriage thoughts, it is serious.

  6. I somehow dont agree with Abhinandan(Sorry dude :D). Love changes, but it surely does not fade. As people spend more time together and share their lives more they just become comfortable with eachother. this cant be interpretted as losing love. Infact it means the love has grown into something more mature.

    But when it comes to compatibility or love, It becomes a matter of who the people are. Some people have the conviction to love the person they are compatible with. I sometimes think it is more a case of them loving the compatibility than the other person. But it works, so why question it.

    For some others, like the author so rightly put it, the love makes them change and become more compatible. This is again if the people in the relationship want to of course.

    All said and done, if I were to look at this pessimistically I would say it would hurt much less if people base their decisions on compatibility rather than love.

    P.S. the hurt works either ways, staying together or breaking up, and nice blog BTW, enjoyed all the food for thought 🙂

    1. That’s a new angle…. thanks… we never saw it as loving the compatibility and not the person.
      I do agree that it hurts both ways, but I wish to give her a suggestion which when put to work, would hurt least.
      Thanks for your opinion. It matters a lot.

      And thanks also for the compliments to the post. Am happy you liked it.

  7. Well, I guess if you have to choose between the two.
    And there is no resort at all. You should choose compatibility.
    Cause love adds on to the relationship as time passes by.
    What is love, if not the memory of good time spent together.
    And since there is compatibility, it would flow in rather quickly.

    The arranged marriages in India stand for a testimony.

    While if you do not have compatibility, but love; well, that love has to be way strong to hold you too together in the long run. Cause, believe me I am telling it out of my own experience, if the couple is not compatible, love fades away slowly and it is very challenging latter in life to keep it at a level that you still recognize it as love.

    1. That is one solution, and that is her mode of help…. I decided to take the one I had.. my readers… but thanks for the advice and thanks for dropping by.

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