Why can’t we girls?

It is a common belief amongst girls and amongst society at large that the “man” has to be the one to confess his feelings for a woman first, and that the female can only respond. What is astonishing is that people have let this belief affect their major life decisions.

Here is what goes in the head of most girls.

“Should I tell him?” “Why, ofcourse not! It is not right for me to go ask him. If he has any feelings for me, he will come and propose me. I donot want to look as if i really need his love.” “But what if he never comes? Then what?” “If he never comes, that means he doesn’t feel for me, and so then there is no point asking him as well.”

This, playing the Devil’s Advocate, has left many a girls without their respective loves in their life.

So then, why does this happen? There could be a number of reasons.

One reason could be that in society, and even more specifically Indian society, girls have always been believed to be the silent ones, often found in the background of things. This leads to a fear of social mockery and taboo in the minds of the girls/women. “What would everyone say if they came to know I had asked?” For those girls for whom this is the reason, let me tell you three things, 1. EVERYONE would not be living a life of compromise if things don’t go honkey dorey from the other side, YOU would… ,  2. The world has better things to do than think of why a girl took the first step and 3.  It’s not just us girls who are afraid of mockery, even the guys are, even they could have the same fears as us, because fortunately or unfortunately, even they are human! :p

Another is the ego, which often asks us girls why it should be us to take the first step. If a guy feels for us, he would tell us, SIMPLE!! This ego stops us also in the fear of rejection, “If he says no, i will be left with nothing but a broken heart, and a bad image”! GIRLS just remember here that it could well be that the guy never said anything because he was afraid of this very ego of your’s which might refuse them. And also, feelings need not always be present, feelings can be arisen….. (Remember life is not a movie in which both the actors fall in love with each other at the same time)….it might well be that the guy may develop feelings for you once he knows how you feel.

Also in play is the once bitten twice shy factor…… a girl having faced rejection once may never gather the courage again to put forth the big question…… And to all such girls all i can say is, i understand your feelings, but until you say it things might never go anywhere…..so dare again!

Here is a real life story which will explain what i am saying.

Once a girl, in her teens, thought she had fallen in love……she dared to ask him, only to be met by refusal. She was understood-ably shattered. At this time her best friend, also a guy, was her biggest support…. though he never said anything, he was always a source of inspiration for her. And then the unthinkable happened, she fell in love WITH THIS FRIEND……. she told herself a number of things to justify her felings: it was rebound, it was just infatuation and so on!! BUT as fate may have it, she was in love.

She never spoke a word of it to anyone, fearing mockery, fearing that her friend might think her to be crazy, insane , and many other reasons! She feared she might lose the friendship which was so dear to her…..

Years passed, the friends drifted apart, and then met again after a long 3 years…… and all this while, the girl had only regretted  not telling him. So when they finally met, the girl mustered up all her courage and finally voiced her feelings….. but to no avail…. he wasn’t looking for a relationship in his life at that point. And the girl felt better as she had finally voiced her feelings; but also felt her emotions on a high for the non- success of her desire!

Then one day, her friend told her, that if only she had come up with her feelings three years ago when they had not been apart, she just might have had a chance! But now, things were very different..they were no longer a part of the same institution but had different paths in life…………

And the girl was left wondering what went wrong……………

Because there is nothing worse than the words, “We could have been what you had so wished………..Had you just asked”..

I leave you here, hoping that some of you would not just agree but also think over it.

Advertisements

49 thoughts on “Why can’t we girls?

  1. Pingback: Century!! « Thoughtful Thoughts

    • Thank you. Yes, that is true, but in the scenario that I have painted, it’s risky for the girl. Are guys as gentlemen ready to risk a girl’s feelings over their own??? :p
      Just playing devil’s advocate.

      • Guys don’t think much. They just come out with what they have in mind. And the rest is dealt with as it comes.
        Like in your story, I’ve a friend who didn’t express his love for nearly 10 years. Now both of them are too grown up to express it or even talk about it. Now he is repenting. I’m sure she too is.
        Most of the time guys come out with their feelings spontaneously. But sometimes such disasters do happen. That’s the reason I feel, girls should also be able to initiate if a guy can’t. All that you have to do is, give cues and augment the process. He will be able to confess.
        Ultimately it is a small risk when compared to the risk of losing the opportunity to a happy life.

        ……LeoPaw
        bigbitz.blogspot.com

  2. Nice Thought !! I wish girls read and get inspired 😉 …it has just become a “man’s burden” to propose…which is suitable most times but sometimes isn’t possible….

  3. I agree to the post, having been in that position myself, and its not merely about what the world would think about her, its mainly what the guy would think of her – and the reactions to such direct confessions from the fairer sex has been regarded as “desperate”.
    Many of my male friends, share the view that , when a girl confesses her feelings first, he can and has the right to take her for a ride!!….

  4. I do not know if all girls are egotistic.That is not my area of research..!But my experience was quite bitter. Some 9 years back proposed a girl and she rejected.Thereafter i never made a second attempt either to her or any girl.

    • Oh that’s sad. But you shouldn’t have lost and should not lose heart so soon. Just because that one girl was egoistic or for whatever reasons she said no ( I can’t comment as I know neither of you personally).. does not mean all girls are like that.
      I am a girl, and i firmly believe I and many others are not like this. 😀

      • No, the mistake was on my part. I did not choose the right place and time to propose her. That should have made her frustrating and also she stood first in the class in her academics while i was struggling to pass my subjects. These i think she should have thought over .And As you said life is not a movie where a girl can love even a rogue. Practical life is different. I don blame her for rejecting me. I thought over it. Anyway societal norms will not allow us to be together. Then what is the use in going behind her , making a good relationship and breaking it finally. So i decided to concentrate on my professional career.
        Good article.

  5. This is a gender stereotype. If a girl proposes it’s something not to be hyped. They share the same amount of emotional distress as their counterpart does. Indian society’s firm but absurd beliefs is definitely one amidst the pool of many.

  6. Totally agree to your post. But men’s psychology is mostly against this fact. Knowingly or unknowingly, a man is mostly satisfied only when he chooses his woman and loves the feeling when she accepts it, rather than a woman getting him to think of taking the relationship to next level. But if the man has already thought about marrying her but just that he didn’t convey it yet, and the woman initiates this talk, it is perfectly okay.

  7. Yeah, I agree with you, if you like or love someone just put aside your damned ego and go and speak to him/her, you never know when the time sweeps away, Nice read 🙂

  8. The Girl portrayed here is just too unlucky to believe. Sad! Well, I agree to what you intend to say. There’s no harm in a girl progressing up before a guy. I won’t mind if someone approaches me tomorrow 😛

  9. My gal and I were frens for 3 years until i mustered up the courage to propose. Her reaction was “Idiot! Cudnt u have done this earlier? I fell in luv with u a year back”! We have been goin out for 7yrs (completing 8 this july) since then and yet she still says tat, if I hadnt proposed, she would never have. Weird, but yeah, tat’s how women r…

    Well written post… Hope atleast a few gals will be bold enough to come forward and confess their luv hereafter…

    • Before anything else, congratulations on your relationship. It’s great to hear of such a successful relation. And if possible, pass on the congratulations to her as well. May the best be in your path.
      Secondly, thanks for dropping by. I agree that most girls are like that. The protagonist of my post was too, and by the time she realized, it was too late. And I too hope that some girls become bold.

  10. Kudos to appreciating the fact that there is nothing wrong in taking the first step by a girl. As rightly said by you, it’s the very same ego of the girl that dissuades lot of guys from actually taking the first step. they just want to be too sure…and by that time the train has already left. If love is expected to be mutual and reciprocated, so should be the ability and desire to be expressive about it.

    Proposals by girls are still a rarity in India…although I personally feet it is a lot more cuter !

    • Thanks for dropping by and approving. I loved the word you used, “cute”. 🙂
      And as an Indian you must have heard the hindi kahawat, “pehle aap pehle aap main lucknow ke nawabon ki gaadi chhut gayi”.

  11. Well .. its always better to leave aside ur egos n por it out.. before its too late.. who knw 10 yrs down the line u cud be repenting sumtin u shud have done before..

  12. Sorry girl, completely disagree with you on this! Firstly, if a girl is hesitating to express her feelings thinking what would this world say, that this then her own belief. I do not think in this today’s world, however might it still be male-dominated, expression of love / feelings isn’t restricted.

    ““Should I tell him?” ”Why, ofcourse not! It is not right for me to go ask him. If he has any feelings for me, he will come and propose me. I donot want to look as if i really need his love.” ”But what if he never comes? Then what?” ”If he never comes, that means he doesn’t feel for me, and so then there is no point asking him as well.”” —- This isn’t only a girl’s thoughts, even guys do hesitate thinking same.

    • Thank you for dropping by.Exactly my point. Guys do think the same too. So it is equally on to both genders to express their love, because either one have to take the first step, else it will stay unexpressed. Thanks for your point of view though.

  13. everybody gets surprised when they hear that it was my wife who proposed me first and not the other was round….exceptions do occur….good post….:-)

    Cheers!
    SUB

  14. O.K…with a rather limited exposure to the domain…bear with my opinion.

    As rightly put, the feelings’, seeking reciprocation, can be arisen.
    Much the same way feelings ‘arise’ right from the beginning. And there lies the importance of delivery and reception of ‘vibes’. If IT is there it shall be communicated, the ‘reaction’ is what makes the difference, one can choose to be dumb, or rather smart or may be just get along.

    And that is where the ‘beauty’ lies, saving it from being just another ‘transaction’, give and take. That would simplify it a little too much.

    Notwithstanding, the ‘girls’ plight in available ‘configuration’, is appreciated.
    Well thought, well worded and aptly substantiated.

    The post is potent enough to trigger a thought process, accompanied with a flash-back, and that where its success lies…….hence, congratulations.

    • It seems your “rather limited” is comparative….because it seems plenty to the eyes of the onlooker.
      I would rather not self comment on the blog, but your comment (response) seems to be exceedingly well worded, even in comparison to the post itself. 🙂
      And this teaches me another lesson today, to be patient, as i clearly see the fruit it has borne (if at all my constant questioning could be characterized as patience).

      And thank you for your wishes, truly mean the world to me, coming from you!

  15. yar there r many other methods of showing ur feelings… u dnt have to say them every time… the other person knows u like him… then if he/she has feelings they will also show it in gestures…. after that it is ok whoever may propose….
    n i like the story… it happens many times in our life…. that we r too scared to take up smthng in the fear that we will loose it…. but by not taking it up… we do loose it eventually…..
    waise nice thought… i support it! 🙂

Your thoughts are as precious as mine... do share some

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s