It is a common belief amongst girls and amongst society at large that the “man” has to be the one to confess his feelings for a woman first, and that the female can only respond. What is astonishing is that people have let this belief affect their major life decisions.
Here is what goes in the head of most girls.
“Should I tell him?” “Why, ofcourse not! It is not right for me to go ask him. If he has any feelings for me, he will come and propose me. I donot want to look as if i really need his love.” “But what if he never comes? Then what?” “If he never comes, that means he doesn’t feel for me, and so then there is no point asking him as well.”
This, playing the Devil’s Advocate, has left many a girls without their respective loves in their life.
So then, why does this happen? There could be a number of reasons.
One reason could be that in society, and even more specifically Indian society, girls have always been believed to be the silent ones, often found in the background of things. This leads to a fear of social mockery and taboo in the minds of the girls/women. “What would everyone say if they came to know I had asked?” For those girls for whom this is the reason, let me tell you three things, 1. EVERYONE would not be living a life of compromise if things don’t go honkey dorey from the other side, YOU would… , 2. The world has better things to do than think of why a girl took the first step and 3. It’s not just us girls who are afraid of mockery, even the guys are, even they could have the same fears as us, because fortunately or unfortunately, even they are human! :p
Another is the ego, which often asks us girls why it should be us to take the first step. If a guy feels for us, he would tell us, SIMPLE!! This ego stops us also in the fear of rejection, “If he says no, i will be left with nothing but a broken heart, and a bad image”! GIRLS just remember here that it could well be that the guy never said anything because he was afraid of this very ego of your’s which might refuse them. And also, feelings need not always be present, feelings can be arisen….. (Remember life is not a movie in which both the actors fall in love with each other at the same time)….it might well be that the guy may develop feelings for you once he knows how you feel.
Also in play is the once bitten twice shy factor…… a girl having faced rejection once may never gather the courage again to put forth the big question…… And to all such girls all i can say is, i understand your feelings, but until you say it things might never go anywhere…..so dare again!
Here is a real life story which will explain what i am saying.
Once a girl, in her teens, thought she had fallen in love……she dared to ask him, only to be met by refusal. She was understood-ably shattered. At this time her best friend, also a guy, was her biggest support…. though he never said anything, he was always a source of inspiration for her. And then the unthinkable happened, she fell in love WITH THIS FRIEND……. she told herself a number of things to justify her felings: it was rebound, it was just infatuation and so on!! BUT as fate may have it, she was in love.
She never spoke a word of it to anyone, fearing mockery, fearing that her friend might think her to be crazy, insane , and many other reasons! She feared she might lose the friendship which was so dear to her…..
Years passed, the friends drifted apart, and then met again after a long 3 years…… and all this while, the girl had only regretted not telling him. So when they finally met, the girl mustered up all her courage and finally voiced her feelings….. but to no avail…. he wasn’t looking for a relationship in his life at that point. And the girl felt better as she had finally voiced her feelings; but also felt her emotions on a high for the non- success of her desire!
Then one day, her friend told her, that if only she had come up with her feelings three years ago when they had not been apart, she just might have had a chance! But now, things were very different..they were no longer a part of the same institution but had different paths in life…………
And the girl was left wondering what went wrong……………
Because there is nothing worse than the words, “We could have been what you had so wished………..Had you just asked”..
I leave you here, hoping that some of you would not just agree but also think over it.