What is and not What if

It’s time to forget about the “what if’s.” When something goes wrong we, as people, tend to toil over the possibilities. “What if it happened this way…”, “What if I said this…”, “What if… What if… What if…” – That gets us nowhere. “What if” causes doubts, remorse, and guilt. It’s a lame extension of our fears and insecurities. Instead of considering all the possibilities, consider “What is!”

Take the situation for what is it is and make the best of it. We need to start forgetting what could of happened and move forward from what is. Face the fact you can’t change what’s going on or went wrong and more forward, keeping the door open for change.

This philosophy has been building in me for a while. I made a promise to myself to stop living in the future. I spent more time thinking about where I was going, and why I wasn’t there, instead of taking advantage of the opportunities that were right in front of me. I started considering “What is” and focusing on the present. What I later realized is that believing in “What is” can help you in any situation.

The business: You lose a customer. Don’t wish on what you could have done to retain them. Don’t beat yourself up over the fact you lost them. Take in that they have left, figure out why, and move forward. Take it for “what it is.” Realize what went wrong, change your behavior and apply it to the opportunities you have right now, right in front of you.

The relationship: Your partner, friend or family member has done something that made you feel slighted. You may be angry, but don’t dwell on what could have been. You can have your say – explain your feelings. Take the situation for“what it is” and move on. In most cases their actions won’t drastically change your relationship or your feelings about each other.

A loss: You’ve lost someone close to you. Often time the advice given is “don’t dwell on the what if’s”. It’s true. You can’t change that they are gone, and you won’t have the opportunity fix anything between you and that person. You have to take it for “what it is” and move on. Dwelling on the “what if’s” only opens the door to guilt and harsh remorse.

You’ll find that by following “what is” you’ll no longer hold grudges, spin your wheels about the endless possibilities and outcomes that will never come, and be able to salvage that time to make positive changes. “What if’s” make you angry. “What is” moves you forward. Often times I found that you can avoid the guilt and doubts that “what if” harbors by “saying what you mean, and meaning what you say.” But that’s another story…

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