One sided

Love, if it is true, is always one sided.

I do not mean to say here that two people cannot be in mutual love of each other. That, though in actuality rare, is possible.

What I want to convey is, that if one truly loves the other person, it is going to be one sided. The feeling one has for the other is not going to be dependent on how the other feels. For the lack of a better word, one may say that all love, in essence, is platonic.

If it weren’t so, and if in fact we were dependent on reciprocity to truly love someone, it would become a mere transaction. just a “give and take“. No?

Sounds complex and unreal!  Understand this by this example.

Pick up any person that you know you truly love. Husband/ Wife/ Parent/ Sibling/ Child……. Now, if that person were to not love you back, for whatever reasons; keeping aside the hurt/ anger etc of not being loved back, would you really stop loving that person? If your sibling told you he/she was indifferent towards you, you may be upset, but would that knowledge that there is no reciprocity, end your love for that person.

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Think hard…. And here’s the clincher… if your answer to my above question is that lack of desired emotion from the other end would actually hold a place in deciding your emotion for that person; it’s a sad state of affairs for you and that particular relation. Not from the side of that person, but from your side.

Now I’ll move on to the next level question. That is, if you agree with what I said above.

Now that we know that love for the other person is not dependent on them, why is it so important that the other person reciprocate. Yes, it would be great if he/she did. But what we end up doing is making ourselves miserable if that is not the case. Why?

That person did not ask you to love them. If you, by your own free will, decided that you loved them, do they not get the free will to decide not to have that emotion for you? It is funny how the persons we claim to love become culprits in our eyes if they decide to practice their free will. They have every right not to love you, to love someone else, or feel whichever way they deem fit.

However, my focus is not on that other person, it is on you (Person 1). We get sad, depressed, low etc when we find out that our emotions are only from our end. Now that we know that it isn’t actually of consequence for our emotion that how the other person feels, be happy and grateful that you got a chance to live in the emotion.

An emotion as positive as love, and we blemish it by sighting it as reason for our sadness……Ironical!!!

Special People

So, today, I sit down to blabber on this post. There is nothing specific on my mind yet. I write as it comes.

I am thinking as I write this of what exactly I will discuss in this post. After putting some thought to it, I think I’ll write about those people around me who matter to me, for one reason or the other, and who they are and just how special and nice human beings they are.  (This post might as well turn into a long series of me praising a lot of people, please be patient). Also , I am not going to be including friends in this post. Maybe some other time. This one is just for my family.

1. MOM

My mom. What to say about her. She’s just the best person around. She ‘s multi-talented. I love her singing, cooking, craft, drawing, interior decoration, her control over English, Hindi and even Sanskrit. She never cowers away from stitching a dress. Never have I seen her worry about how things will happen in time. It’s like she finds her 48 hours in our 24. She loves to read, and not light reading. She has a PhD in Psychology and still manages to master all other subjects too (except Maths, that’s her comparative weakness). Ma, you mean everything to me, I Love You.

2. DAD

He’s a great guy. Sports and brain are so his thing. He’s outstanding in Badminton and Squash and on the way there in Golf. He does maths in his head that others may not even be able to do with pen and paper and may straight away need a calculator for. He’s a very strong man on the outside but has a very emotional heart. The look on his face when he was waiting for my admission to happen during counselling for college, and the look a few days back when we were at the doctor’s office and I had just been diagnosed with Dengue are something I will never forget. I remember once, when he had hurt his foot  and it was bleeding. Seeing him in that pain had made me cry. I Love You Babba (Dad).

3. SISTERS

Vaibhavi and Aadhya, my ‘real’ siter and my ‘cousin’ sister, I love you both. Both of them  irritate me to the hilt and make me shout at them. I make them both do all the work that I should. With them, I am mostly fighting but they both are very very precious to me.  Their coming was the best thing that happened to me. May they both always be blessed.

4. ANAY JI

Anay Abbhi is my youngest cousin. He’s a cute-heart of a child and the naughtiest kid around. He loves to defy what others tell him. He is the most stubborn person around, and he just loves to tease me when he gets his way over mine. But for all this and much more, I just adore and love him. Seeing him through the window pane on the day he was born is a sight I am never going to forget. I Love You Anay.

5. BHAI

My elder brother Partha is the most frustrating brother that can ever exist. While he is at times downright rude and doesn’t care a bit to how I feel about certain things, he is still that one person I can confide everything in and turn to whenever I need sane advice. I turn to him whenever something is emotionally nagging me and I turn to him when all I need is some jokes to read and forward. For everything that you are bhai, I Love You Mars ke Praani (added on request by the younger sisters).

6. GRANDPARENTS

I realized how much they meant to me when the first of the four left us. Since then, my emotions towards them have been realized by me and have grown every-time I meet them or talk to them. When my other grandmother left too, it took me some time to realize just how much it had affected me. It is still hard for me to believe at times that both of them are gone. I still hardly talk to my grandfathers. However, a lot has changed and each time I part ways with either of them, I wish I could just put in words how much I love them. I Love You Nana, Dadaji, Nanima, Dadi.

7. MAMA/MAMI/ TAUJI/ TAIJI

Tiny mama, Neelam mami, Himanshu Tauji and Rachana Taiji,  have always had my best interests in mind and it means a lot to me. I know my acts have troubled them all often and for that, I am sorry. I wish I could just be expressive to them that they mean a lot to me and that I love them. I Love You All.

8. THE REST

A few cousins and relatives are also in the list. They are not countable and nor do I wish them to be. For all of them who have been with me in my most horrific times and who have kept me in their good books no matter what. For all of those relatives who care so much about me, I care for them a lot too. I Love You as well.

That is it for today. A sentimental post. And one I hope does not leave you frustrated with having so little sense to readers.

Take care all and a Happy upcoming Diwali.

The end of the road

Yesterday night, another one of the journeys of my life came to a dead end. For reasons of which I am still in denial my relationship came to an end yesterday.

It hurts that you give someone your everything and it does not work out.

I so want to play the blame game right now and put it all on him but I need to understand that it takes two people for anything to work or fail.

To be honest I don’t even know why I am putting this out here and not in my personal diary. But whatever be the reason, I know one thing. After nearly 3 years of blogging, I am in some ways more comfortable with my readers here than maybe even my personal diary.

To all of you who came here expecting to read a post, I am sorry you had to face a rant.

Take care everyone. And though this won’t make much sense coming from someone most probably in depression, but don’t think too far ahead in life, the more elaborate plans you make, the more it hurts when they break.

Complicated

Note : This story is a work of fiction and any resemblance in name, place etc to any person is purely coincidental.

 

 

 

Amrita was just another girl who had just turned twenty. She was very lucky woman for her age because she was in a no time-pass no nonsense long term relationship. There was no question as to the fact that she was very much in love with the man who loved her equally. Also their relationship was much mature owing to the fact that it was not a week or month old but had been there for a long time now.

Even in those moments when she was angry or upset at him, there was never even a thought that she might not love him or vice versa. Obviously not everything was picture perfect, but she understood that so was the case in every relationship of every kind.  The differences of opinion she had with him did not dampen their love.

Still, there was one ‘little complication’ in her heart. Though she loved dearly her boyfriend and was completely loyal to him, her heart was divided in two as she also loved dearly another man. When she had first met him, it had seemed to Amrita that this other man was no more than a fleeting crush. A feeling that would go away soon. It didn’t.

With the passage of time, her love for both men grew. While many thought it was impossible to love two people in the same manner at the same time, she disagreed. If it was perfectly normal to be in love with two men at different times, why was it any different if both were present at one time. Love is an emotion and it is not something that happens systematically as to only fall in love once you no longer love another person. In actuality, there can never be falling out of love, so she loved them both.

 

 

Now, while loving the other man, she knew very clearly that relationships were the last thing he was looking for. His calling in life was different and falling in love was something he actively avoided. Also she was sure that he was the kind of person to leave decisions such as that of a life partner on his parents or other people he trusted in that regard.

However, Amrita was fearful. She feared that if someday, her ‘second love’ did indeed fall in love, how would she react? How would she react if he fell in love with another woman? But more importantly, how would she react if he fell in love with her? He knew very well she was in a relationship, but what if in some manner she were to come to know of his love for her. What would she do then?

The choice between the two men she loved would maybe drive her crazy. And though she loved the second man with all her heart, just like she loved the first one, she knew not what to hope for in the future. Should she hope for the man to love another and move away or should she hope for him to fall in love with her and stay?

Amrita had no answers to her mindset and knew that it was, to put it simply, “complicated”.

Holy Matrimony

Marriage is believed to be a holy and everlasting relationship between two persons. Apart from being seen as an eternal bond between the persons, in practical society also it has a very binding legal as well as social effect.

Two people, once married, should ideally not separate till “death do them apart”. There are legal mechanisms that allow for separation, but there are yet to be widely accepted social mechanisms. A divorce is seen as stigmatic on the persons involved so much so that the stigma many-a-times carries on even to the families.

So, let’s see this picture as painted by those who condemn the married couple to the punishment of being together forever come what may. For a couple for which it worked out, the picture is very clear, they do not wish to be apart and thus their happily ever after stays in consonance with society.

It’s the other lot I am worried about.What happens when a person is unable to love the other as they thought they did/would be able to. Not all two persons are compatible and what happens when these two are not. The socially acceptable standard is that the two should find a common ground and ‘work things out’. “After all they are not enemies.”
This is what they should do, and most people I believe even try to. But some relations are just not meant to be. Now what?
Let’s see the picture from the eyes of these people. The colours have lost their brightness, there seems to be no joy in the picture, just a couple living by societal standards.

We are all humans, and thus these unfulfilled marriages are bound to have two persons who will seek outside, be it a physical relationship to vent the frustration or a more fulfilling emotional relationship.
But here’s the icing on the cake, when such an emotional relation is found for one or both parties, they still stay where they are because there is no way society and in most cases their families would allow them to divorce their present partner and get together with someone else (maybe also presently married).

Most of us here would have seen Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna; leaving aside criticial reviews of the movie, here is a scene from this movie that raises a valid question. Be a little patient and watch the whole video :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISHZ92HRPyE

One of my fellow bloggers, Meera di had written a short fiction of this effect. When two married couples have all the persons involved being in love with someone ‘outside the marriage’, see what happens : read this.


And here’s one last example : How many here have seen the 1st story of ‘Das Kahanniyan’? That depicts the same point, doesn’t it? For all those who haven’t seen it or don’t remember it, here is the story in a crux. The wife in a supposedly happily married couple is in love with another person. This ‘boyfriend’ of her’s gifts her a necklace. As there is no way she can directly take the necklace home, she gives it to a jewellery shop and takes a coupon in return. She then tells her husband that she has won something from the jewellery shop and asks him to collect it for her. When he meets her and gives her a ring as the ‘gift she won’ she fakes being excited and runs to the reception area of her husband’s office to call up the jewellers. This is when she notices the necklace she was gifted. The secretary is wearing the necklace.

Now here is my question to all those who believe in the sanctity and everlasting nature of any and every marriage : How are any of the three above mentioned marriage sacred?

The Last Letter

From far-away, at the border, a soldier writes to his beloved, a letter….

Dear Sunita,

Your love is the best thing that has happened in my life. All throughout this war, it’s your love that has kept me going, but I fear tonight, that this battle might be my last. My darling, this shall be my last letter to you. Goodbye. God bless you.

Yours for ever,
Harshit.


and his beloved’s reply was thus:

Dear Harshit,

Your heart is safe with me, so fight with valor when you enter the battlefield, but try not to be so melodramatic. I shall wait for you, with pride. I remember what you said to me. If you mention it’s your last letter, it means you will be home soon.

Yours always,
Sunita


This post has been written for my team, The Bengaluru Bloggers’ Bistro as part of the IBL – the Battle of Blogs, sponsored by WriteupCafe.com. Join in at the official website http://www.indianbloggersleague.com and the page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/IndianBloggersLeague

A Tough Choice

Here’s a very small post, with a very important question!

The mere thought of this made me cry for over an hour a few nights back. Asking you this question, my intention is not to make you go through the same pain or confusion but to help you understand your own mind and heart.

 

SITUATION 1 : You leave this world before your parent(s).

The + point – You never need to feel the loss of them going

The – point – You leave them with the pain of losing the child they gave birth to, and saw grow up.

 

 

 

SITUATION 2: They leave this world before you.

The + point – They are saved from the above mentioned pain.

The – point – You get to live through that tragedy and the life afterwards with the gap of their absence.

 

 

Which would you rather have? Bear the pain yourself and or give it to them?; or putting it differently, face death yourself first or let them face it first?

 

Please think and answer!