A Tough Choice

Here’s a very small post, with a very important question!

The mere thought of this made me cry for over an hour a few nights back. Asking you this question, my intention is not to make you go through the same pain or confusion but to help you understand your own mind and heart.

 

SITUATION 1 : You leave this world before your parent(s).

The + point – You never need to feel the loss of them going

The – point – You leave them with the pain of losing the child they gave birth to, and saw grow up.

 

 

 

SITUATION 2: They leave this world before you.

The + point – They are saved from the above mentioned pain.

The – point – You get to live through that tragedy and the life afterwards with the gap of their absence.

 

 

Which would you rather have? Bear the pain yourself and or give it to them?; or putting it differently, face death yourself first or let them face it first?

 

Please think and answer!

‘Accident’

Finally, after a long time from when it was given, here I am writing Rahul Miglani’s challenge to me :

I won’t lie, this got to a lot of time to adapt to, but here it is finally.

“You deserve to be there, not her’. He had said these words when he had come to know exactly why their daughter had died. He had also said, “I have long known of this, but I kept quiet for her sake. For the sake of our 2 year baby. Today  if she is not here, it is your fault. And you deserve to be up there, for the wicked woman that you are.” All this had come a few months  after the ‘accident’ had happened. What initially came on the day he heard the news was sheer denial. His baby, his daughter, dead? That could not be possible. Of course not. But it had indeed happened. Arshia was no more around to cheer them up after a long day. There would be no more demands, tantrums. There would not be any more sleepless nights as she cried. There would only be sleepless nights as they cried for her loss.

His words now ring in my ears, even after 6 months.. Every day I see the pain in his eyes, the pain I had caused him. At times my selfish part tells me it was not my fault, that it was indeed an accident. That it was fate, which could not be changed. But mostly, I am well aware of the fact that it was indeed I who was solely responsible. Had I not been the one to leave the window open to let him in! Had I not been the one to stack bricks right outside the window for it to be easier to climb in! Had I not been the person who ignored my daughter’s calls as I lay behind curtains! If only I had closed the window… If only I had gone on being called… If only…….

Yet again I sit and am reminded of how true his words are. I can do nothing but day after day see him live a zombie life. We do not talk these days. Others tell me he talks to none, even at work. I did not just kill my daughter that day, I killed my husband too.

Tonight again, I will dream of that day, when his colleague and neighbour had come in to meet me during lunch hour. We had known my husband does not come home for lunch. Everyday, this was “our time”, when we quenched our thirsts with each other. Tonight yet again, I will see her walk into the room, calling out to me, looking for me. I will remember not answering her though I was right there, behind the curtains on our bed. I will remember telling him to stay quiet till she left the room. But most of all, i will remember seeing her bend and look out of the window, fall over and I will remember forever the sound of her skull crushing on the bricks. Tonight again, I will lie awake thinking of my sins. Tonight will be another sleepless night. Unless I sleep now…. forever. I killed my family that day, it is now my turn.

I can see the floor coming closer now. I can now meet her and say sorry. Here it is… my death.. just a few seconds away… Here………

 

P.S. The exact challenge was

Write a story about the suicide of a women , who lost her child that fell out of the window while she was making out with the neighbour.