Knowing myself

This last challenge was given to me a long time ago. I’ve tried various times to write about it but have ended up feeling it to be fake and unnatural. This was because this particular challenge from ‘Yaz Rooney ‘ on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘ needed introspection more than anything else. Here I needed to let loose all my pre-formulated thoughts, beliefs, notions etc and let my inner mind do the thinking as at the end of the day, that is what I really think.

So after a lot of thought on this, here it is finally. A story on what I think of this world, the spirit, and afterlife. I am going to keep it simple by framing the story around myself as the protagonist/antagonist.

It’s a madhouse rat-race and it all began with my conception. My birth was a result of a race being won by one in a million. Then after I came into this world, though protected from this for a major portion of my life till now, it is not too hard to realize that each and every single second of existence is a race, with others and more importantly with oneself. A million thoughts race through the mind every second, but it the one that reaches the conscious mind most quickly, that preoccupies the mind in the form of thinking. Even as I write this, there are many races taking place for each of these words to come to this form. I may not be aware of all of these or even any of these, but they exist nonetheless. How am I so sure? Introspect for a while and you would know. Sit and think about it.

As it is oft called, I was born with a pure heart. No emotions were known to me and I would learn them by training, conditioning and observing. And therefore, it is funny that each and everyone of us is nothing but a mere combination of emotions that already exist. The combination is unique in each of us, but the ingredients are the same. And to this rule, there are no exceptions.

I am tempted right now, to write about the rat race we all fight throughout our lives and regret later. But I’ll let it pass. I do not wish to convert this to a moral lecture.

Just as my birth was the entry of a new participant in this race, there are exits too. When people reach their respective end lines, they leave the race. Many of us think that a person left “too soon”, but who in this case then defines “soon” or “late”. Their track ended and so they left, there is not much more to it. Our emotions make us see much more. We feel the need to defy/justify every exit.

So what happens when someone’s race is over. Do they leave for good? I think otherwise, and this thought may purely be a figment of my emotion. Once they are done running, they stand aside and watch the others running. In hard times, they guide the ones they are attached to (by whichever emotion). For the sake of our convenience, we call them spirits, putting them together as a class. Not each one of us believes in it and the “non-believers” wish to question their existence by logic. For them, that not perceivable by the senses is not present. The Shrimad Bhagawat Gita states that that which cannot be felt, cannot be seen, cannot be heard, cannot be destroyed, cannot be created etc, is the true final power in the world. And the spirits too become a part of them.

It is thus that in our hardest of times, we function on automatic. The reactions and thoughts in such times comes from our innermost part, which is driven by our unconscious mind and by those standing in the side lines and guiding us what to do. And hence, no fall is so hard that standing up again becomes impossible. We all fall at different laps in the race, and we all get up, whether we realize it or not. The ones of us that realize we are on our feet again start running, while the others stand rooted to the spot, not moving on, as they are yet to know they can run again.

For me, the world here-after is that of peace and tranquility. We are off the race and into the quiet zone, where it is not our heart or our mind that needs to function. That place is beyond what we can think of with the limited capacities of our mind. Thus, though I have something in my mind right now to describe the world after we ‘die; (the race for us ends), I am sorry but I will be unable to put it in words, not even for myself. Let our ‘images’ of that be unique to each own. Even if you tried to put your image in words, it would be futile.


Trust me

Yes people, I’m alive…

Getting on to a challenge which I got on 13th April and am yet to write on, here’s my comeback with the post “Trust me, I know I won’t let you down” given to me by Leo on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘ .

This is a sentence we all hear a lot from almost everyone around us. For things small to big. It may be making tea or doing well in exams (my examples), we say this often and mostly to people who either entrust themselves/their work on us or to people for whom how we do our own work matters.

But I have a question for everyone here. How often do we mean it and how often do we say it to just assure the other person. The test to this is to know whether we ourselves think we will not let the other person down. But  if there is the slightest of doubt in our mind that we might be unable to meet the expectations of the other person, then is it not better to tell them the truth rather than give them hope when we ourselves lack it.

What I am saying may seem very ideological and ideological stuff doesn’t work according to all of us. Think of it this way, whenever someone says that they won’t let you down, and of they then do, our first thought is “Kaash pehle bata deta, itni umeedein to nahi lagate” (I wish we had been told earlier, atleast we would not have been so hopeful). Why is it then, that what we wish for ourselves, becomes so hard to give to others? It is only fair, isn’t it?

I’d like to narrate a story here, that should tell us why these words are so hollow at most times and when they are meant, why the person saying them himself seems to not care later on.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very trustworthy. This was not because he always accomplished what he set out to do (that is not possible for anyone), but because when he was in doubt if he would be able to do it or not, he would say this to the people. This was until he was 12 years old. At this point, his parents started to teach him that saying ‘I might not be able to do what you ask’ is very rude. One must say that  I will do it, and if then after giving your 100% it does not happen, then everyone understands that fate too plays a role. Ironically, these people were of the category who often felt bad when others who had said the same thing, could not live up to it.

So gradually the man learnt to lie. Now he would tell everyone that he could do whatever was asked of him. Things started to go downwards when he could not meet his promises. It is funny how everyone trusted him when he never said ‘Trust me’ but the opposite began to happen (as it does with all of us) when he started saying ‘Trust me’ in everything.

As the man realized that he could always say that he gave his 100% but fate interfered, the inevitable happened. He stopped giving his 100%. When he was younger and said that he might be able to do things, he gave his 100% because it meant that he really could do it. Now he had an escape route. He could easily give his 75% and then say fate was not on his side. Who was there to measure how hard he tried?

This 75% kept falling till there was a stage of carelessness. ‘If I want to do it I will, else I’ll just pretend I did it and will say it was not in my hands’.

Isn’t that what we all do at times. Do we actually give our 100% to everything we commit ourselves for by asking for the trust? Think about it. It’s needed to be thought about.