Knowing myself

This last challenge was given to me a long time ago. I’ve tried various times to write about it but have ended up feeling it to be fake and unnatural. This was because this particular challenge from ‘Yaz Rooney ‘ on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘ needed introspection more than anything else. Here I needed to let loose all my pre-formulated thoughts, beliefs, notions etc and let my inner mind do the thinking as at the end of the day, that is what I really think.

So after a lot of thought on this, here it is finally. A story on what I think of this world, the spirit, and afterlife. I am going to keep it simple by framing the story around myself as the protagonist/antagonist.

It’s a madhouse rat-race and it all began with my conception. My birth was a result of a race being won by one in a million. Then after I came into this world, though protected from this for a major portion of my life till now, it is not too hard to realize that each and every single second of existence is a race, with others and more importantly with oneself. A million thoughts race through the mind every second, but it the one that reaches the conscious mind most quickly, that preoccupies the mind in the form of thinking. Even as I write this, there are many races taking place for each of these words to come to this form. I may not be aware of all of these or even any of these, but they exist nonetheless. How am I so sure? Introspect for a while and you would know. Sit and think about it.

As it is oft called, I was born with a pure heart. No emotions were known to me and I would learn them by training, conditioning and observing. And therefore, it is funny that each and everyone of us is nothing but a mere combination of emotions that already exist. The combination is unique in each of us, but the ingredients are the same. And to this rule, there are no exceptions.

I am tempted right now, to write about the rat race we all fight throughout our lives and regret later. But I’ll let it pass. I do not wish to convert this to a moral lecture.

Just as my birth was the entry of a new participant in this race, there are exits too. When people reach their respective end lines, they leave the race. Many of us think that a person left “too soon”, but who in this case then defines “soon” or “late”. Their track ended and so they left, there is not much more to it. Our emotions make us see much more. We feel the need to defy/justify every exit.

So what happens when someone’s race is over. Do they leave for good? I think otherwise, and this thought may purely be a figment of my emotion. Once they are done running, they stand aside and watch the others running. In hard times, they guide the ones they are attached to (by whichever emotion). For the sake of our convenience, we call them spirits, putting them together as a class. Not each one of us believes in it and the “non-believers” wish to question their existence by logic. For them, that not perceivable by the senses is not present. The Shrimad Bhagawat Gita states that that which cannot be felt, cannot be seen, cannot be heard, cannot be destroyed, cannot be created etc, is the true final power in the world. And the spirits too become a part of them.

It is thus that in our hardest of times, we function on automatic. The reactions and thoughts in such times comes from our innermost part, which is driven by our unconscious mind and by those standing in the side lines and guiding us what to do. And hence, no fall is so hard that standing up again becomes impossible. We all fall at different laps in the race, and we all get up, whether we realize it or not. The ones of us that realize we are on our feet again start running, while the others stand rooted to the spot, not moving on, as they are yet to know they can run again.

For me, the world here-after is that of peace and tranquility. We are off the race and into the quiet zone, where it is not our heart or our mind that needs to function. That place is beyond what we can think of with the limited capacities of our mind. Thus, though I have something in my mind right now to describe the world after we ‘die; (the race for us ends), I am sorry but I will be unable to put it in words, not even for myself. Let our ‘images’ of that be unique to each own. Even if you tried to put your image in words, it would be futile.

 

Trust me

Yes people, I’m alive…

Getting on to a challenge which I got on 13th April and am yet to write on, here’s my comeback with the post “Trust me, I know I won’t let you down” given to me by Leo on my page ‘Challenge Accepted‘ .

This is a sentence we all hear a lot from almost everyone around us. For things small to big. It may be making tea or doing well in exams (my examples), we say this often and mostly to people who either entrust themselves/their work on us or to people for whom how we do our own work matters.

But I have a question for everyone here. How often do we mean it and how often do we say it to just assure the other person. The test to this is to know whether we ourselves think we will not let the other person down. But  if there is the slightest of doubt in our mind that we might be unable to meet the expectations of the other person, then is it not better to tell them the truth rather than give them hope when we ourselves lack it.

What I am saying may seem very ideological and ideological stuff doesn’t work according to all of us. Think of it this way, whenever someone says that they won’t let you down, and of they then do, our first thought is “Kaash pehle bata deta, itni umeedein to nahi lagate” (I wish we had been told earlier, atleast we would not have been so hopeful). Why is it then, that what we wish for ourselves, becomes so hard to give to others? It is only fair, isn’t it?

I’d like to narrate a story here, that should tell us why these words are so hollow at most times and when they are meant, why the person saying them himself seems to not care later on.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very trustworthy. This was not because he always accomplished what he set out to do (that is not possible for anyone), but because when he was in doubt if he would be able to do it or not, he would say this to the people. This was until he was 12 years old. At this point, his parents started to teach him that saying ‘I might not be able to do what you ask’ is very rude. One must say that  I will do it, and if then after giving your 100% it does not happen, then everyone understands that fate too plays a role. Ironically, these people were of the category who often felt bad when others who had said the same thing, could not live up to it.

So gradually the man learnt to lie. Now he would tell everyone that he could do whatever was asked of him. Things started to go downwards when he could not meet his promises. It is funny how everyone trusted him when he never said ‘Trust me’ but the opposite began to happen (as it does with all of us) when he started saying ‘Trust me’ in everything.

As the man realized that he could always say that he gave his 100% but fate interfered, the inevitable happened. He stopped giving his 100%. When he was younger and said that he might be able to do things, he gave his 100% because it meant that he really could do it. Now he had an escape route. He could easily give his 75% and then say fate was not on his side. Who was there to measure how hard he tried?

This 75% kept falling till there was a stage of carelessness. ‘If I want to do it I will, else I’ll just pretend I did it and will say it was not in my hands’.

Isn’t that what we all do at times. Do we actually give our 100% to everything we commit ourselves for by asking for the trust? Think about it. It’s needed to be thought about.

This new challenge

Before anything else, my next challenge, by Leo, on my ‘Challenge Accepted‘ page, is technically incorrect.

His challenge reads, and I quote, “If you and I had never met, would you have missed me in your life?”

It is technically impossible to miss someone you do not know, but I’ll be large-hearted (:p) and interpret this to mean what all I would have missed had I never met Leo, a.ka. Vinay.

Had I not known you,

I would have missed a friend.

And also challenges here,

would not have been a hot trend.

You made me believe in my poetry,

a belief I never had.

Looking back I do realize, without Leo,

this blog would have been sad.

My sweetheart header, is thanks to you,

the blog really looks nice,

So I here say thanks,

for adding to this space some spice.

The pet name JJ, you gave me,

it does sound really new.

In your friendship Janhvi too has evolved,

because friends like you are few.

How can I thank you enough,

I really wonder many-a-time.

It is solely because of you,

That this poem too does rhyme.

Special seven

Once upon a time there was a number. A number loved by many but mostly by a little girl. She loved it because to her it seemed beautiful, a beauty only she attributed to it, and to it only. She always tried to own things that much in number. Like make sure she had that many shoes, for example. It was kiddish and silly, but she was a kid and she was silly. She loved loving the number.

Then she grew up. Growing up bought with it a lot of complex ideas, like rationality, maturity, to name a few. Suddenly others around her started questioning why she liked that number. What was in it that she liked? She tried sticking to her old argument (and also the truth) of finding beauty in it, but none believed her. She herself started believing her thought was wrong and so she changed her thinking. She turned the tables and now said, ” I had most things this many in number, when I was a kid, so I love the number.”

This new argument was at least accepted by most. And thus she continued liking this very like-able number. She still always wished to own things that many in number, and loved when anyone mentioned the number. But with age came the sense of it being childish. She soon forgot the number for the most part. Whenever the number did come up somewhere, it reminded her of ‘something’. She just stopped clearly remembering what that something was.

The number in itself was nothing unique. It wasn’t as if it was the largest number or a number with any unique quality. It wasn’t even like the number ‘0’, with a lot of mathematical importance per say.  It was a number with many angels (literally) in it. However, this number is no less important. Musically, and mythological-ly it is a number of great attributes. Here are it’s qualities.

This number, that was so close to the girl’s heart, is the number of basic musical notes there are. It is the number that plays the most prominent role in Indian marriages. It is the number of believed holy cities in India. It is the number of sacred rivers in India. It is the number of flames of Agni (fire) in Indian mythology. It is the number of existent directions. Finally, it is the number of colours white light splits into.

Getting back to the girl, she was by now a lady, or so she proudly thought. Things were in equilibrium now. She did not scream and shout about her love. But in her heart, she knew just how much that number appealed to her. She still tried using it the most she could. Though unlike childhood, she didn’t get upset if it didn’t happen. All was well with the world.

Then came a time when she interviewed some of her online friends through her blog. Oh yes, she was a blogging addict. When she was posting a round of such interviews, a friend read about her love for the number. The friend, Vinay(Leo) then went on to challenge her at her “Challenge Accepted” page. So here is the story as reply to his challenge. And this made me write even more on my favourite number 7. And that is why I love the number.

Naked walk

The naked walk – That’s my latest challenge (13th in total) from Leo. This challenge asks me to write down my experience if being on a crowded street, I were to realize that I was buck naked, and if my destination was far off.

Before I move on to the answer, let me tell you the ways in which I thought I could bypass the real issue:

  • “crowded” – not necessarily awake people or even crowded by people at all
  • it could end as a nightmare
  • get a lift from someone (that would be damn easy)

 

But after some time I decided to take the challenge head on… i don’t give him very conventional challenges, so why should I run away from an unconventional topic. One last thing.. from the next paragraph the post will be my thoughts as the realization dawns and till the time I reach my destination.

 

 

“Chalo college over, heading back home now, the swimming lesson in the last period was fun.

This is the last auto stand on my way and it is empty, should I wait or walk…. I’ll walk.

Oh god, so much homework for tomorrow, will have to start as soon as I reach home.. Have to ask mom about the reservation for next month also… Aarakshan was a nice movie, they should make more such ones…. Big B…….” (Chain Thoughts).

The market is here, means I am 1/4th of the way through. Why are all these people staring? Is it because my hair is still wet from the pool? But why is that such a big issue? Let me see, is there something on my shirt? HOLY S**T… where are my clothes? Bloody hell, what is going on?…. Wait, after the swimming class, while I was in the shower, I hurried up as I heard the bell meaning that the gates were closing. I had been the last to start showering… and then I had run out……. Oh Crap… I forgot my clothes in the changing room.

I should go back and get them… this is damn awkward… or I can enter a shop and buy some clothes… but my wallet was in my jeans pocket… they will give poor me some clothes… but they must be thinking I am some mad women or else a pervert.. What the hell should I do?

The best thing is to proceed home, as the college would be locked by now… s**t, I only hope no-one recognizes me… should I run home? Oh no no… running in this state is a BAD decision. I’ll better walk briskly, while covering as much as possible with my hands. Everyone is staring. I so wish this is a real seeming nightmare.

Should I ask someone for lift? But the men will misunderstand me.. I’ll ask a woman driver. There is one, let me ask her. Oh she sped away seeing me. I can’t blame her, I do look abnormal.. what to do?

I should focus less on thinking and more on reaching home as soon as possible.

Once this market ends, I’ll take the side route through the woody area… it’s scary but not scarier than this.

Finally the market is over, now to turn right and escape to home… oh crap! it’s getting dark… this area is very scary… not a single soul here…. except if snakes have souls (:p) .

Now that there are no humans around, I should definitely run….. nearly there… but how do i enter my society like this… I will never be able to face any of my neighbours ever again. I’ll wait till it’s night and everyone is in their homes… oh come on! did I have to get so thirsty right now… I guess I will just hide my face and run through the gates… no-one recognizes me by my body anyway…. s**t, the keys… I will have to go to the landlords…. i just hope the lady opens the door….. fingers crossed….. oh thank God you opened the door Mrs V…. don’t please ask what all this is, just get me anything to put on and the spare keys…. i’ll return both tomorrow morning….. it’s a long story, please some other time… i know it is embarrassing…. thank you so much.

 

P.S. A post you must not miss – All in good time

Virtual

This is what the reality of a virtual (unreal) world is…. atleast according to the movie matrix.

This is about a challenge from Animesh.. my 12th challenge… to write about a friend I have known virtually… online.. and not in “real”. And yes, all online friends are accidental…. :)

I am going to be mentioning two very close friends here : Rahul and Vinay(Leo). The former I came to know through chat rooms while the latter through blogging. I was pleasently surprised by this challenge as these two people I just mentioned are my closest friends.

Starting with Rahul, he is my “all-in-one”. Have mentioned about him in an earlier post “here“, but let me elaborate. He’s that kind of friend who is my punching bag, crying shoulder, and the person who I tell absolutely Every damn thing about my day, and hopefully vice versa. We haven’t met yet but I am closer to him than Any friend of mine who I have met/ keep meeting.  He’s on speed dial and it’s come to a level where even when my phone slips from my hand and falls, that speed dial gets called (true incident). He’s the one I call at night if I have a bad dream. He’s the person I am a complete baby with. He treats me as if i am no older than 2 years old and that is because with him I am as stubborn as a 2 year old. He started his blog as a surprise gift for me, and now I force him to write because it would help improve his communication skills. We don’t have a single day when we don’t fight much worse than cats and dogs. However, our fights are yet to last for more than an hour. I really wonder what it will be when we meet as we are already as good friends as friends can be. Oh, and ya, he helped me name my teddies also. :p

Coming to the second and new friend, Vinay a.k.a Leo; Let me start with Leo, as some of you are familiar with him. He’s an absolutely outstanding writer and poet. His blog has the charm to captivate. And he never gives up on a challenge. He has a page just like mine where he accepts ‘inspirations for his art“. You should drop by and give him a challenge or two, just like me, he loves them.  Apart from this he writes on various prompts and also runs Haiku Heights and Thursday Tales. In all, he’s a writer you wouldn’t want to miss.   Now to Vinay. He’s a sensitive person, who gets affected emotionally. Having said that, he is a very brave guy to have gone through gracefully where many would have faltered. He can make me laugh at any point, however low I feel, by funny statements or hilarious actions. He is one of the few people who can make fun of my weight and I don’t mind.  I am getting to know him more and more with our chats and I am really happy I have him as a friend. We have a lot of plans to eat this, that and the other when we meet as there are many dishes there that I have never had and vice versa.

Both these friends have a very important place and I am a proud friend when it comes to these two.

May you both always be blessed.

P.S. A post you just HAVE to see – Well, well, well

Bow wow – This is me

Hello everyone. I am bow wow. I’ll come to, in a little while, how I got this particular name.. or to be more exact why I chose to be identified by this one of the many that I am called by. Before that, here is how you all see me. (This picture is only for general identification purposes and it is not me)

This post was a challenge from Leo, on my page, ‘Challenge Accepted‘. It’s his 5th challenge and I know the next is en-route… thanks Leo

So, I had to tell you about my name, right? All of you call me by different names. Each of these names you give me out of love or hate shows how you feel towards me. I remember once a lady who called me ‘baby’ because she found me innocent and cute, and then there was this guy who referred to me as “ch**iya” as he definitely seemed to dislike my presence. Bow wow is what babies call me when they cross me by. It has to do with my barking I suppose, as children start by recognition of voices they recognize me as bow wow. Why I choose this name is because it is these babies and young children who love me the most. They are innocent and unafraid. The elders around me assume I will bite them and the kids. These babies on the other hand have faith that I will inflict no harm on them. It is this faith of their’s that makes me love them so much.

Talking of babies, did you know that when I was born, I was no different than those puppies you keep at home and feed bones and pedigree to. Just like you humans are all born equal and are then differentiated on the basis of where and to whom you were born, so you do the same to us. I can’t complain though, if you are so biased in your own breed, how can you be unbiased towards us.

I have often seen in parks that you try to teach your pets tricks of how to live, but if you ask me, you should learn how to live from them and me. Have you noticed how we never discriminate among each other on the basis of where we were born or bred, it is you who tell them to stay away from us, just like you tell your kids to stay away from certain kids.

Anyway, I seemed to have lost track of what I wanted to tell you, that is my story. Let me tell you about my day.. I get up anytime that my sleep ends. Oh and about sleeping, I sleep anywhere and everywhere. I do not have a comfortable bed or sweaters like your pets. I survive the heat, cold and the rain, and that’s what makes me look so ‘scary’ to you. My healing process is natural when I get hurt and… oh sorry, I digressed again. Moving on, I spend my whole day looking for some food and drink for myself and my family. Sometimes a kind person gives me some bread or chappati… and at other times I eat whatever has been thrown by you all on the roads. The time that I am not looking for food is spent socializing with other dogs. I may not have a blog or facebook to socialize but I know my fellow beings in flesh and blood. Unlike you humans who seem to know everyone around you via these sites but in actuality know none, as the face they have on these sites is just a mask. Also this….. I should stop drifting constantly, sorry for that.Talking of my friends, all the street dogs and even some of your pets are my friends. We discuss everything from the new dogs in the area, to the most beautiful bitch around, to the food issues and mostly about which humans are nice to us and which are not. I am much more free headed than you are, though I have more problems. Trust me, try handling flees, dog catchers, dog fights, swift cats etc, and you’ll know what I mean.

As a street dog, I have a great life. Again not the kinds your pets get; so this is definitely not me :

My life is good because I am not in a chain. I can do what I wish, and however I wish. I can be what I am, no masks. And I am definitely not bossed around as to where to pee and what to eat. You humans find me different from the norm, because you find humans like me (maybe except the peeing part) as also abnormal. They are free from ‘norms’ like I am. They are not like you pets, chained.

My life is good, but I have just one dream, and as much as I dislike this, this dream needs your help to come true… and that is… the next time you cross me on the street, even if for some reason you are afraid of me, do just make me go away by words or gestures, stones and kicks hurt, as I am sure they would hurt you too.

P.S. A post you should definitely read – Near, yet so far